You Wouldn't Dare (Khaos Trilogy Book 1), стр. 66
A couple of the warriors had attempted to talk to me about Violet on the way to our destination and I had laughed them off, telling them I didn’t “catch feelings”.
I was running away, and I fucking knew it. Damn it, I had taken deadly warriors with me for a reason, yet all they wanted to do was talk about our feelings and other mushy shit?
It had even reached the point where I had growled at them, threatening them with exile if they dared to mention Violet’s name again.
How did you even begin to explain your feelings when you didn’t completely understand them yourself?
I didn’t realise it, but that one action was more revealing than if I had declared my love for her in front of them all.
It hadn’t gotten off to the best start when I arrived at my friend’s pack. I had known Duke as long as I could remember. I had found his pack during those dark days after Drake had torn away my innocence. Before I found Morgan’s family.
Duke’s dad had been the Alpha then, and he had allowed me to stay awhile, building up my strength before I left to find my place in the world.
One of Duke’s Omegas who greeted us at the packhouse had smelled Violet on my skin. I hadn’t washed, not wanting to risk the last of her scent being removed from my body. It humiliated me that this low-ranking woman, who should have known better, dared to ask me if Violet was my mate. Apparently, my so-called friend, the Alpha, had been talking about me.
I lost it.
I smashed my fist into the wall, throwing my weight around in a way I swore I would never do.
Someone, I don’t know who, tried to stop me and that’s when my warriors joined in, protecting me as I had trained them to do.
It took Alpha Duke, a bunch of warriors, and a lot of unnecessary bloodshed to put an end to it.
Once things calmed down. I laughed with Duke about how I hadn’t changed, agreeing that I was still the hot-headed wolf from my youth. I didn’t tell him much about Violet, other than she was “thinking things through”. I didn’t reveal the extent of my feelings for her, and I played down the relationship we had built.
Duke tried to get me to talk more deeply, bringing up his own mate, Grace. They were having issues of their own, but I shrugged him off, feigning tiredness, and went to find an outlet for my anger. I trained with his warriors, knocking them down one at a time as they all failed to match up to my strength and agility.
I came across Duke’s father, Stephen, and he laughed at my appearance, told me I was spending one too many late nights in a woman’s bed. Sexist through and through, I did my best to avoid engaging in any further conversation with him, hoping he had enough sense to leave me alone. I wasn’t here for a social visit.
It was all I could do not to punch him later that evening as he gave me a sly smirk and brought forward one of his companions.
“She’s the best of the best,” he had told me. I had gritted my teeth and turned him down. I had no interest in the pack whore, or anyone else for that matter.
I went to bed and thought of my blonde-haired Angel and pretended she would share my bed again in no time.
Deluded as always, Khaos, was my last thought before I drifted off into a restless sleep.
Day Two
Day two was when I began to miss her. When reality set in and wouldn’t let me play my pretending games anymore.
My wolf had mentally kicked me many times throughout the night, warning me he would never speak to me again if I didn’t at least attempt to put this right.
He mocked me for downplaying my feelings for Violet. He told me it wasn’t manly to pretend that I didn’t care and wasn’t capable of love.
I wasn’t pretending.
Love just wasn’t made for some people.
Just as the Moon Goddess had seen something inside Ryssa and Drake, never permitting them to have children of their own, she had seen something in me that was unworthy of love.
I would never be able to give Violet what she wanted, and as a result, she would never be able to love me in the way mates were supposed to.
Still, I wanted to call her. I wanted to demand that she return to my side and never leave again. I wanted us to swear that we would always be together, that we would fight the devil himself if it meant that we could create more memories together. That we could create a life together.
I picked up the phone, ready to promise her the world. That I could and would change for her. That I would be better.
Then I saw the scar on my wrist, courtesy of Drake and his fellow rapists.
I hung up the phone before she could answer.
Despite what my wolf insisted, I wasn’t capable of change.
Day Three
Day three, the depression sank in. I spent a lot of time in my room, thinking of all my past actions, of the people I had hurt.
I remembered Violet’s words to me – someday somebody stronger would come along and defeat me if I carried on the way I was.
Who knew that the somebody would be her?
Without even trying, she had done what so many before her had tried to do.
She had defeated me.
I was broken in a way I hadn’t even realised a man could be broken.
It was as though the other half