You Wouldn't Dare (Khaos Trilogy Book 1), стр. 67
I didn’t regret the way I chose to live my life, my determination to find my birth parents, but I regretted that I had dragged innocent people into it.
Violet had been right. I didn’t need to attack so violently every time I had a new lead. There were other ways I could go about things, different ways that I could gather information.
But what were they?
All my life I had been raised on the concept of being the strongest wolf in the room. If you weren’t, you left yourself open to attack, and you had no one to blame but yourself. A wolf’s reputation played a huge part in that. If they were feared, they were less likely to have an attack sprung on them.
If they were weak, they were used and discarded.
I knew that only too well.
I skipped dinner on day three. If I had to watch Duke as he stared at Grace with love-sick eyes or refuse another offer from Stephen, I would lose it.
Besides, I was too sick to even attempt eating, especially after I had spoken to Jasmine and I knew how much Violet was hurting. I had sensed her pain, but hearing from someone else, someone who was having to help Violet through it, someone that wasn’t me, had me lashing out in defence. Jasmine had pleaded with me to come home and I had roared at her, telling her to stop bothering me. That Violet wasn’t my problem anymore. She hung up, openly crying, and cursing my name.
After all I had thought about that day, the way I had reflected on my behaviour and the ways I could change, I blew it at the first opportunity.
I wasn’t capable of change. I knew that now.
Day Four
Day four was the day I smashed up Duke’s packhouse. He ordered all women and children to the safe room as I tore through the building, breaking everything in my path. My wolf strained to be free, but I held him back, knowing there would be no stopping him once he was out. He would run back to Violet and either mate with her or kill her. He wouldn’t let anyone else have her if we couldn’t.
I knew it was wrong, that it wasn’t the fault of any member in this pack I was hurting this way, but I refused to see reason.
Years of suppressed emotion had finally burst free. I had been unloading onto Violet in slow, steady drips but without her here and with no way to stop the flow, the dam burst. In hindsight, my life, my decisions, had moved too quick.
I hadn’t taken the time to process what had happened to me before I started my pack and pushed my wants and needs to the back of my mind as I made their happiness and safety my priority.
Violet had been my release. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I had been clinging to a shred of hope that this was just a blip. I was being arrogant, but I didn’t genuinely believe she would leave me forever.
Then I had spoken to Jasmine again.
Violet was happy, she was praying in the Moon Goddess’ garden and for some reason, this angered me. She had given me four days before deciding to move on with her life. Even Louisa had given me longer than four days. I really was pathetic.
So, I gave in to the emotions that were surfacing, and poor Duke was paying the price.
He stood aside as he watched me destroy his pride and joy, neither him nor his warriors daring to stop me.
I got to his office and saw the beautiful face of his mate and came to my senses. She didn’t deserve this. None of them did.
For the first time since I left Drake, I sank to my knees and cried like a baby, hearing the Alpha order everyone away as he quietly closed the door, respecting my grief.
It wasn’t long later when Duke’s mate came to visit me, bringing me warm food as she asked how I was doing.
I looked at her. Really looked at her.
I saw what she was desperately trying to hide. That feeling of shame that never quite left us, even though we knew it wasn’t our fault. She had experienced some of the same things I had and it was for that reason that I permitted her to stay, listening as she told me I shouldn’t hide my feelings, that honesty was always the best policy.
“Have you been completely honest with Duke? Does he know what happened to you?” I asked, startling her.
“He knows… some of it.”
I scoffed, turning away from her, “he doesn’t know then.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“It never is.”
“Khaos--”
“No, Grace, just stop. I know what you’re trying to do and just stop, okay? Don’t preach to me about the truth when you’re hiding from your mate just as much as I am. Worse, you’re hiding in plain sight. Violet knows everything there is to know about me, but can you say the same for Duke? I might have run away, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. You’re not even going to give Duke the opportunity to accept what happened to you. You’re living a lie.”
She went to leave me then, opening the door without another word, and that pissed me off. I felt as though she was dismissing me, and so before I could help myself, I called out to her, “you know people like you and I can never change. What happened to us? It broke us. We can’t be fixed. Not by a pack, not by our mate, and certainly not with happy fucking endings. There are