You Wouldn't Dare (Khaos Trilogy Book 1), стр. 63

Chapter 17

Violet

Day One

Day one was the worst day by far.

So much had happened in such a short space of time that I struggled to cope with all the emotions I had running through my mind. It seemed there was no escape. My every moment focused on my misery until I felt as though I was drowning.

I both loved and hated Khaos. He had caused so much pain but given me more love than I could ever have hoped. I noticed more and more just how much my mother had trapped me, and how much freedom Khaos gave me in comparison. He let me and my wolf run free and accepted us both. He never asked for the pretty porcelain doll I imagined I presented on the outside. He wanted the real woman I was on the inside - good and bad.

However, that did not change the fact that he had murdered my best friend. Yes, Logan and I had a history, and I knew that would be hard for a man like Khaos to handle, but it was no excuse for murder.

Logan had often been my rock in troubling times. He was my best friend, trying to help wherever he could. Even the rescue mission that had cost him his life had been for my benefit, and it would haunt me until my dying day that he never got to live a long and happy life. I was as much to blame as Khaos. I might not have committed the act, but I should have reached out before he resorted to coming to find me.

He had told me that my mother was different and that made me hurt in a way I didn’t think was possible where she was concerned. We didn’t have the best relationship, but for her to hide away in her rooms all day, forgetting her role in society and the commitments she had made, must mean that she was hurting. I needed to contact her and let her know I was safe before she did something stupid as well.

Khaos knew enough about the relationship between my mother and me. There was no telling what he would do if he found her on his property. It would be a direct insult, a threat to his pack. He wouldn’t stop at killing her. He would send warriors to take over the entire Atlantis pack, ensuring they could never return here.

I wouldn’t even be able to blame him. Two high-ranking wolves from the same pack on his territory would demand retribution. It was the way of the wolves.

As much as I wanted to hate Khaos, to never speak to him again, I couldn’t help the way I missed him. In such a brief space of time, he had come to mean so much to me. I was used to turning to him when I thought of something funny, sharing my meals with him, my bed, my heart.

It wasn’t the same.

My wolf was distraught, refusing to speak to me. She thought Khaos had been justified. She had never agreed with what I did the day Khaos and I met, the way I had tried to use Logan. She had warned me at the time that he wasn’t my mate, and she made it more than clear I deserved Khaos’ treatment of me.

I had to hope that she would come around soon.

I didn’t leave the room on the first day. I cried, slept, cried some more, and spent a lot of time just staring into space. I wanted to find Jasmine and see if she could ever forgive me, to explain my side of the story, but I knew that was hopeless. Khaos had said that she was angry on my behalf, but that was just because of the way he had tried to humiliate me. I saw the look in her eyes. She believed in what Khaos had told her, she just didn’t agree with the punishment.

As day turned to night, I contemplated running away. I wanted to find my old pack and have them smother me with kind words and pity, safe in a little cocoon of adoration. It made sense as it crossed my mind; I needed to contact my parents anyway. Yet the scared little voice in my head reminded me I would have to explain Logan’s absence, have to face up to his parents considering they were the Betas of the pack. Being the chicken I am, I quickly put that idea to bed and decided I would find a way to mind-link my parents. I couldn’t be that far away, surely?

Day one was by far the worst day, but I had hopes. Tomorrow was a new day. It had to get better. I couldn’t hurt like this forever.

Day Two

Day two wasn’t much better. I skipped breakfast again, my stomach turning at the thought of eating. My last meal had been the deer that Khaos and I had shared, and that thought alone sent me spiralling back down into depression.

I didn’t change out of the dressing gown that still lingered with his scent. I didn’t brush my teeth or attempt to wash. I wanted to call him and hear his voice but realised I didn’t have his number. I could easily find it, but that meant going to his office and I couldn’t handle that right now. It was probably for the best. He needed time to process this too. Besides, everything was still too raw. It would be easy for us to fall back into the