Shameless (The Therapist #2), стр. 42
I’ve only seen Ava once since we fucked in my office. We had dinner in a crowded restaurant in downtown Dover, and she kept asking me what was wrong. I didn’t really have an answer, at least not one I could tell her. Ever since she left my office, I keep thinking about what she said as she walked out after fucking on my desk.
It’s so good to know I can always coax that out of you.
Her words were like a splash of ice water over my sleeping face. I've always known Ava was manipulative, but I went along with it because I love fucking her and tying her up. I’m obsessed with watching her come, so I’d just roll with the punches.
This time, though, I was much more affected by it. Hearing her say it out loud, admitting to trying to influence and control me, hit me somewhere deep. All I can think of now is how she’s trying to control me all the time. Every text. Every time we fuck. Every conversation is a ploy to manipulate me into doing what she wants. I see everything she does as a scheme to keep me where she wants me.
A typical guy would think I shouldn’t be complaining about this. I have a woman who wants me to fuck her all the time. What’s to hate? The only problem is I’m not typical. To me, this is much deeper than just having sex. This is emotional control and manipulation, the exact type of thing I advise my patients to recognize and never to allow.
The problem I’m struggling with at this exact moment is a symptom of avoiding Ava. She’s been texting, and I’ve been ignoring her. I’ll respond when I have time, but I haven’t allowed myself to see her. I’m afraid my hunger for fucking her will take over if I’m in her presence, and now I’m like an addict in need of a fix.
I feel it in my bones. My body cries out for her, and my cock feels like it might explode if I don't have her soon, so when Keisha calls for me over the intercom, it’s a struggle to lift myself out of my chair and walk to the door. I have to focus on Tessa. The ground doesn't feel solid beneath my feet when I walk to the door, but I make it there, and that’s a good start. I’ve got this. One step at a time.
“Good evening, Tessa,,” I say, when I open the door. My last patient of the evening steps into the room, shaking my hand with a newfound grip in her fingers. In fact, everything about Tessa seems new. She’s walking straighter and smiling brighter. Her confidence seems sky high today, and it radiates off of her like she’s holding the sun in her pocket. It seems one of us had a better week than the other.
“Good evening, Dr. Colson,” she says as she sits down on the couch, crossing one leg over the other. She’s sporting a sultry black dress today, which is interesting because it’s a little on the nippy side this evening. Tessa doesn't seem to care. Her legs are like a mannequin, long and smooth, and given the state I’m in today, it takes real focus to keep my eyes on her face. Tessa has always been attractive, but today is next level. The non-therapist part of me wants to stand up and applaud her for an astounding glow up.
“You seem well,” I say. It’s less of a greeting, and more of a method of stalling so I can get my shit together.
“I am well,” Tessa replies, smiling wide. “I've had an interesting week, to say the least.”
“Okay. Go ahead and fill me in.”
“Well, this has been the most carefree week of my life,” Tessa begins. Her eyes seem to float towards the ceiling as she remembers everything she went through. “I went on a few dates, mostly bad ones, but that’s okay.”
“Is it?”
“It is,” Tessa answers quickly. “It was interesting to see everything from a different perspective, and it was a good reminder that there are a lot of shitty guys out there. More importantly, I was able to narrow down a list of traits I’m attracted to, and I realized what was missing from my relationship with Brandon, not to mention every relationship I’ve been in my whole life.”
“Wow. All that in one week, huh? Well, I’m interested in hearing what you figured out,” I say, feeling more like myself the longer the session goes on. “So, what was missing?”
“Now that I realize what it is, it seems so simple,” Tessa answers. “It’s lust.”
“That’s an interesting answer. How'd you come to that conclusion?”
“Last night, I got drunk and had sex in the lobby of my father’s clinic with a complete stranger who was on a break from his girlfriend.”
My eyes instantly bulge for a split second, but I’m able to fix them before Tessa notices. It’s not judgement, just surprise.
“It was good, too,” Tessa goes on. “He was, umm… well endowed, and definitely knew what he was doing, but it was less about that and more about how hot it was. It was lustful, and when I realized it in the moment, I knew that what I was feeling was completely foreign to me. Brandon and I never had that, even in the beginning. It wasn’t there on the other dates I’d had earlier in the week either. But this guy, Will, he was able to make me feel hot. I felt wanted, and I craved him. I liked that it was naughty, passionate, and wrong. It was like I was feeling something lustful for the first time, and now I know I need it in