Shameless (The Therapist #2), стр. 41

“No, don’t say another word. All you do is put me down. You sit there atop your goddamn high horse, judging every single move I make, constantly telling me how no one will want me. You go out of your way every single day to make sure my confidence is in the dumps. You live in this outdated fantasy land, where a woman isn't allowed to be a woman unless a man says it’s okay.”

“I do no such thing!”

“Bullshit!” I bark. “You just told me that if a man raped me, it would be my fault. Who the fuck would say that to their daughter?”

“I’m just trying to protect you, Tessa.”

“Protect me by blaming me for my own hypothetical rape? What a load of shit. If a man rapes me, the only person who deserves blame is the fucking pig of a man who committed the crime. It doesn't matter how I made him feel, or what I’m wearing, or how many men I’ve slept with in the past. If I don’t give consent, or even if I take it away after I’ve already given it, a man is not allowed to touch me. Consent is my choice, and mine only. That also means I can give consent to whoever I want, including a man I just met at the bar tonight. It’s my body, and I can do whatever the hell I want with it. If you can't take that, I suggest you don’t even ask me about what I have going on in the relationship department. Either that, or just don't talk to me at all, which would be fine by me after everything you’ve put me through. Maybe I’m wrong for getting drunk and having sex in the clinic, but the choice to have sex is mine to make, so fuck you, and fuck your judgment. I don’t want to hear anymore shit about my goddamn hair, or the clothes I wear, or fucking Brandon. I refuse to live my life by your patriarchal rules.”

My mother stands in front of the door with her mouth agape. The sight of it makes me want to smile, but I’m too mad to force a smirk onto my face. Finally being able to speak my truth to her is the most uplifting thing I’ve ever done. I could have another orgasm just from the satisfaction I feel right now.

“You're right,” my mother mutters, her tone suddenly changing to something much more solemn. “I’ve forced my beliefs on you, and I shouldn’t have. I just didn't know it affected you this way. We’re different people, and I can't expect you to see things the way I do. But, at the end of the day, Tessa, you have to have some semblance of self respect. How are you okay with sleeping with random men you just met?”

“I’m okay with it because it’s what I want to do,” I reply. “It’s my choice. If I was a man, you wouldn’t even be asking me about this. You'd say ‘boys will be boys,’ or congratulate me on being a real ladies man. The word promiscuous is only thrown around when the subject is a woman. I’m tired of the double standard, and just because I don’t want to settle down right now doesn't mean I don’t want to have sex and experience pleasure. I want to experience it how and when I choose, with whom I choose, and I will not stand for anyone’s judgment. Not even yours.”

My mom sighs. I can see the pain on her face, knowing that her daughter is a grown woman. I guess that could be difficult for a parent. Regardless of how hard it might be for her to understand that I’m a grown up, she has no choice in the matter. She has to understand, and she has to respect it. Otherwise, there's nothing left for us to talk about, and I’m okay with that.

After a moment of silence that feels like it lasts forever, my mother giggles. “I only came up here because I thought I left my reading glasses. I didn’t expect this.” Both of us chuckle before she continues. “I’m going to do my best to let you live your life, Tessa. I don’t want our relationship to fall apart over our differences, and I’m sorry if I made you feel bad about yourself. I would never do that intentionally, contrary to what you might believe. You're my only daughter, and I love you dearly.”

“I love you, Mom,” I reply, and to my complete and utter surprise, my mother walks over and pulls me into a hug. I honestly can't remember the last time we did this, so it feels brand new. If only I had told her how she made me feel a long time ago, I may have not even dated Brandon.

I don’t expect her to change overnight. I know we’re from two different generations, and we view things completely differently, but I realize now that it’s my responsibility to make sure people respect me, including my parents. I can't wait around for the moment she realizes how terrible she’s being.

People get stuck in their ways, and sometimes the only way to break them out of it is to be honest with them. We have to speak truth to power. Sometimes the conversation is difficult, but the hard conversations are usually the ones we need to have the most. I, for one, am glad I spoke up, and I’ll never allow anyone to disrespect me ever again.