All In (Keep Breathing Book 2), стр. 72
“It’s not your fault.”
“I tried to keep Matty busy.” River frowns. “But he really wanted Liam.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m going to head out.” I grab my purse off my counter. “Call me if anything changes.”
I'm out the front door in seconds. My heart feels like it’s been shattered with a hammer. I thought I could handle anything with him, but I didn’t think how harsh his words would cut me up.
“Holly, wait,” River yells as she catches up to me on my way to my car. She puts her hand on my cheek and gives me a gentle, caring smile. “You okay?”
“I don’t know.”
“Silly of me to ask you that question. Of course, you’re not.”
I push away a fallen tear with the back of my hand. “I’ll be okay. We will be okay.”
“That,” she points back to the house, “really isn’t Liam. I don’t know what is going on with him besides being in pain from getting hit by that car. Maybe this is what he’s like when he is jonesing for pain pills, I don’t know. Jax says there something else going on, but he won’t open up. Whatever it is, don’t give up. I know it’s cliché, but Liam is better with you in his life.”
“It is pretty cliché, but I’m not giving up. I just need to dust off a bit. And I don’t want Matty to get hurt either.”
"I understand. If you need anything or need to talk, you can call me.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
LIAM
The house rattles as the front door slams shut, and I fall to the edge of my bed. She’s gone. Like I wanted. Yet, I feel worse than I did before. My head falls to my hands as I replay what unfolded. I could see her heart break when I told her she wasn’t my family.
I’m an ass. I’m a fucking ass.
My bedroom door flies open with a bang and Jax marches in looking murderous. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re acting like a dick. Telling her she isn’t your family. Smart. You’re going to end up pushing her all the way away and you scared your son.”
“He’s not…”
“Don’t fucking say it.” Jaxson grits out, cutting me off. “Don’t. Because I know deep down, despite whatever the truth is, you don’t believe that. He still carries your DNA, your name is on the birth certificate, and most importantly you stepped up. So, stop feeling fucking sorry for yourself.”
"She needs to know what I'm really like. It's not always rainbows. There's days I want an easy fix when shit goes wrong.”
"This isn't your addiction talking. The guy who is desperate for a fix. This is your heart. You want her to run so she never finds out the fucking truth about Landon. But you also love her and don’t want her to go.”
“What if she's been playing me? What if she already knows?”
“Now you're talking damn crazy.” Jax rolls his eyes.
“I’m talking crazy because I’m in pain and you're hijacking my pills.”
“You don’t need the fucking pills. You were fine last night. You were fine till you saw her, which tells me this.” He waves his finger around at me. “All of this is about the shit Landon dropped on your shoulders. You want to retreat and hope you get a high because you don’t want to handle it. But we both know the couple of Vicodin the doctor gave you isn’t going to do that, so what are you going to do when you finish taking them? Drink? Go back to that other crack doctor that handed them to you like candy? What? You won’t feel better. The problem will still be there and in the end, and you’ll end up losing her and Matty.”
“Yes, I’ll drink. I’ll go to the bar.” I go to stand, trying to ignore everything he said, though everything he said hits me like a kick to the balls. I’ve been doing everything to push them away, and I know it’s the right thing to do, I still want them. All these thoughts are why I want to drink, so I can drown out the raging thoughts and fucking not think for five fucking minutes. “I’ll get some fucking peace there.”
“Shut the fuck up.” He presses down on my shoulders and shoves me back to the bed. I hiss in pain.
“Fucker.”
“Good. Glad it hurts. Focus on that fucking pain.”
“If I focus on this pain, will you give me my damn pills,” I bark and grab my side.
“How about I knock you in your teeth for acting like a damn child?” He grinds out and storms out of the room.
Jesus Christ, it’s like living with him all those years ago. Who needed rehab when I had him on my fucking ass twenty-four-seven?
Jax returns to the room moments later, the yellow pill bottle clenched tightly in his fist.
“Oh, good you came to your senses.”
“Shut the fuck up,” he seethes. “Listen, I wasn’t there when Sara fucked you over, but I was there in the aftermath. You told me a lot of stuff. Maybe shit you don’t remember. It killed you to get so hyped for a child and then to have it taken away. It wasn’t about her using you for your money but taking away your chance at being a father. You were lonely and you wanted to provide for someone other than yourself. She robbed you of that because she was a cold-hearted bitch. Now Landon is doing it to you all over again. It sucks,