Mad Dog (Angel’s Rebellion MC: #2) (Angel's Rebellion MC), стр. 60
Then this morning, finding out from Val and Molly that he was interviewing new club girls made all the things I had heard, watched and read about MC's jumble together in my head, and all I could picture was him fucking some nameless, faceless woman.
As those thoughts had run like wildfire throughout my mind, it hit me straight in the heart that he had fucked the women standing in front of me as well, and oh my god, jealousy had struck me like the green-eyed bitch that she was.
I had mentally been talking to myself, trying to tell myself that I had been with other men, but the bitch just kept saying, ‘Yeah, but you don't live with them all the time nor do you see them daily. Who was the last one he’s fucked? Was it Val? Or was it Molly? Or was it one of the other girls you haven't met yet? When was the last time he was with one? Had he been with one or more the night before I arrived?’
That cruel bitch had taken hold of my thoughts and she fucking hadn't wanted to let go. I hadn't ever been jealous of Brian and I couldn't figure out why I was so jealous of Dog. Was I that much of an insecure woman?
I hadn't thought so until this morning when this all hit me when I heard about the interviews, then those thoughts started scrambling and fought to take hold in my mind and that had made me completely lose any fucking sense I had at all.
But I knew I had to do what he said. I had to somehow come to peace with the fact that he had been with those women and that I was going to see them all the time. Because he was right, this was their home and had been for a while. I didn't have the right to tell him to send them all away. This was his life and I either had to accept it or I needed to realize I couldn't deal with it and let him go.
The pain that squeezed my heart at the thought of leaving and never seeing him again took my breath away. My eyes ran over his face, examining each feature, I knew if I left I'd regret it for the rest of my life. Somehow after only hours, I was in love with him, and that fucking scared me more than anything else did. Because if I stayed and then lost him for some reason, I wouldn't be able to handle it, and I knew that to the depths of my soul.
As my eyes stared into his, I saw the hope and desperation that were in his. He wanted this, he really wanted this, he wanted me. How in God's name could I turn away from that? I couldn't. So I did the only thing I knew to do. Tell him what I was feeling.
“I'm scared,” I whispered.
“Of what, baby? Tell me and let me fix whatever is making you scared.”
“You can't fix it. It's something only I can fix.”
He groaned and his eyes took on a sad defeated look.
“I can't fucking lose you, Ava. Not now.”
I reached up and cupped his face with my right hand, “I wasn't looking for this, but the moment I saw you, I felt like I was home. You took me higher than I've ever been last night, and it fucking scared me. Because all at once I was feeling more for you than I have felt for anyone, ever. I loved Brian with all my heart, but I never felt like this with him.
“If something ever happened to you, I'm not sure I'd ever be able to breathe again. Then I started asking myself how I could feel like this after just a few hours, told myself I was crazy, but that didn't seem to matter.
“It's like I was a ship that had been lost at sea for so long that I was floundering and then when I saw your face it's like you were the beacon of light that would lead me home. Then this morning, oh god, the jealous green-eyed bitch took a hold of me when I heard you were interviewing girls.
“Thoughts started swirling around like mad about what you might possibly be doing with them, next it hit me in the face that you had probably been with the girls I was talking to. All of that collided together and threw me for a fucking loop. I didn't know which way was up or down.
“Even though I heard what you said to me in the pantry, my mind struggled with it. You've lived this life for so long, you've been able to choose whoever you wanted to be with each night. You weren't tied to one woman, so why would you want to be tied to just me?
“I know this sounds stupid and illogical, but I was so fucking jealous of the thought of you with any of those girls that I thought it was gonna kill me. How the fuck does a person feel this much in such a short amount of time? Can I even trust these feelings? It's not even been a day, Dog. How can I want you so much?”
“I don't know, baby. But I do know I feel the same way.”
“For now, the only thing I can tell you is that I'll try with everything in me to quell the jealousy. I'm not gonna lie, it's gonna take me time, so give me a chance to reconcile with it.”
“Babe, I've told you I won't be with them anymore. But I can't do anything