Pride and Prejudice and Kitties, стр. 12
“I tell you what, Miss Lizzy—if you take it into your head to go on refusing every offer of marriage in this way, you will never get a husband at all—and I am sure I do not know who is to maintain you when your father is dead—I shall not be able to keep you—and so I warn you—I have done with you from this very day—I told you in the library, you know, that I should never speak to you again, and you will find me as good as my word. I have no pleasure in talking to undutiful children—Not that I have much pleasure, indeed, in talking to anybody. People who suffer as I do from nervous complaints can have no great inclination for talking. Nobody can tell what I suffer— But it is always so. Those who do not complain are never pitied.”
WHILE MRS. BENNET persisted in scolding Elizabeth for refusing Mr. Collins’s paw in marriage, Mr. Collins comforted himself by rolling around with Miss Lucas in some catnip grown expressly for him by Lady Cat’s head gardener.
Meanwhile, Lizzy met Mr. Wickham and had a cozy chat with him about the ball at Netherfield. Both lamented that they had not had a chance to bounce it together around the ball room. What a romp they would have enjoyed!
Soon afterwards, Jane received a letter from Caroline Bingley. Miss Bingley wrote that her brother had left for London, and since his friends did not want him to spend his vacant hours meowing despondently in some lonely kennel, they had all hastened to join him. What fine big rats they would catch in the sewers, now that the season had begun in town!
Jane received a letter from Caroline Bingley.
Although Caroline wrote in a lady-like hand, Elizabeth detected claw marks on the elegant, hot pressed paper. Catty Caroline teased Jane mercilessly about Georgiana Darcy’s manifold attractions, and her expectation of Miss Darcy’s marriage to Mr. Bingley. (Miss Darcy was said to be a well-grown young cat who was accomplished in chirruping, napping, and washing herself. What reasonable hope could Jane entertain of the pliable Mr. Bingley resisting such attractions?)
Elizabeth was confident that Mr. Bingley would be back in Hertfordshire very soon, but Mrs. Bennet was quite discomposed by the news that he had left Netherfield. She took comfort, however, in planning a supper for him of roasted harvest mouse that would, no doubt, lead him ere long to propose to Jane.
“When my brother left us yesterday, he imagined that the business which took him to London might be concluded in three or four days, but as we are certain it cannot be so, and at the same time convinced that when Charles gets to town, he will be in no hurry to leave it again, we have determined on following him thither, that he may not be obliged to spend his vacant hours in a comfortless hotel. Many of my acquaintance are already there for the winter; I wish I could hear that you, my dearest friend, had any intention of making one in the crowd, but of that I despair. I sincerely hope your Christmas in Hertfordshire may abound in the gaieties which that season generally brings, and that your beaux will be so numerous as to prevent your feeling the loss of the three of whom we shall deprive you. . . .
“Mr. Darcy is impatient to see his sister, and to confess the truth, we are scarcely less eager to meet her again. I really do not think Georgiana Darcy has her equal for beauty, elegance, and accomplishments; and the affection she inspires in Louisa and myself, is heightened into something still more interesting, from the hope we dare entertain of her being hereafter our sister.”
MISS LUCAS KEPT Mr. Collins distracted all day by engaging him in unraveling a ball of yarn. Elizabeth was grateful to be free of his sullen looks and injured air but little could she have surmised that Charlotte was possessed of a fierce ambition. She was, in short, determined to secure Mr. Collins for herself!
Indeed, sly Mr. Collins crept out of Longbourn at an early hour the next morning, and trotted down the lane towards Lucas Lodge. Miss Lucas herself perceived him from an upper window and scooted out to meet him “accidentally” in the lane. She little could have imagined what passionate caterwauls awaited her there!
Mr. Collins crept out of Longbourn at an early hour.
Poor Mr. Collins, poor Miss Lucas! But though Mr. Collins was a dim-witted cat, he was also a respectable one. Miss Lucas could look forward to tidy kitty litter boxes in her new establishment, and eventually a litter of her own.
Charlotte charged Mr. Collins with uttering not one murmur about their agreement when he returned to Longbourn, and Mr. Collins promised, though it was hard for him not to publish his prosperous love to all the cats in the county.
When Charlotte did tell her the news, Elizabeth was shocked. How could her dear friend, an indubitably sensible cat, ever be happy with the empty purrs and false posturings of Cousin Collins?
Miss Lucas perceived him from an upper window.
“Engaged to Mr. Collins! My dear Charlotte—impossible!”
The steady countenance which Miss Lucas had commanded in telling her story, gave way to a momentary confusion here on receiving so direct a reproach; though, as it was no more than she expected, she soon regained her composure, and calmly replied,
“Why should you be surprised, my dear Eliza? Do you think it incredible that Mr. Collins should be able to procure any woman’s good opinion, because he was not so happy as to succeed with you?”
But Elizabeth had now recollected herself, and making a strong effort for it, was able to assure her with