Pride and Prejudice and Kitties, стр. 10
In the meantime, all the Bennet sisters were cheered by the thought of the splendid ball Mr. Bingley was planning to procure. It was said to be rather large and to contain a hint of catnip and two silver bells. Even Mary made no objection to the innocent, if vacuous, amusement such a ball must bestow.
“While I can nap all morning,” said she, “it is no sacrifice to join occasionally in an evening frolic.”
Elizabeth’s spirits were so high that she actually asked Mr. Collins if he intended to accept Mr. Bingley’s invitation, and if he did, whether he would think it proper to play with the ball; she was rather surprised to find that he entertained no scruple whatever on that head, and was very far from dreading a rebuke either from the Archbishop or Lady Cat.
“I am by no means of the opinion, I assure you,” said he, “that a ball of this kind, procured by a cat of character, can have any evil tendency; and I am so far from objecting to rolling the ball about myself, that I shall hope to be honoured with the paws of all my fair cousins in the course of the evening; and I take this opportunity of soliciting yours, Miss Elizabeth, for the two first bounces especially.”
Elizabeth felt herself completely taken in.
She had fully proposed being engaged by Mr. Wickham for those very bounces; and to have Mr. Collins instead—her liveliness had never been worse timed! Moreover, she began to suspect that she had the dubious honor of being selected as worthy of being the mistress of Hunsford Parsonage and of assisting to form a quadrille table at Rosings in the absence of more eligible cats.
The prospect of the Netherfield ball was extremely agreeable to every female of the family. Mrs. Bennet chose to consider it as given in compliment to her eldest daughter, and was particularly flattered by receiving the invitation from Mr. Bingley himself, instead of a ceremonious card. Jane pictured to herself a happy evening in the society of her two friends, and the attention of their brother; and Elizabeth thought with pleasure of dancing a great deal with Mr. Wickham, and of seeing a confirmation of everything in Mr. Darcy’s looks and behavior. The happiness anticipated by Catherine and Lydia, depended less on any single event, or any particular person, for though they each, like Elizabeth, meant to dance half the evening with Mr. Wickham, he was by no means the only partner who could satisfy them, and a ball was, at any rate, a ball. And even Mary could assure her family that she had no disinclination for it.
ELIZABETH WAS MOST disappointed with Mr. Bingley’s much-talked of ball because Wickham was not there to roll or run with it. Not only that, but she had promised Mr. Collins the first two bounces!
Elizabeth was astonished when Mr. Darcy asked her for a bounce, and endeavored to converse with him as little as possible until it occurred to her that she could torment him more effectively by obliging him to speak. She then made some slight observation on the splendor of the ball.
“It is your turn to talk now, Mr. Darcy,” she said.
“Do you talk by rule then, while at play?” he asked.
“We are each of an unsocial, taciturn disposition,” replied Elizabeth, “and are unwilling to open our mouths unless it is to utter such a meow as will amaze the whole room.”
“This is no striking resemblance of your own catness,” he said.
“We have tried two or three subjects already without success,” observed Elizabeth, “and what we are to talk of next I cannot imagine.”
“What think you of newts?” said he, smiling.
“Newts—oh! No. I am sure we never stalk the same, or not with the same feelings.”
“I am sorry you think so; but if that be the case, there can at least be no want of subject. We may compare our different opinions.”
“No—I cannot talk of newts in a ball-room; my head is always full of something else.”
Elizabeth then spoke of Darcy’s mistreatment of Wickham. Just as she anticipated, Darcy’s tail swished and his eyes flashed. But he did not attempt to defend himself.
After the dance, Caroline Bingley approached Elizabeth. “Wickham’s encroaching on Mr. Darcy’s territory was a most insolent thing, but considering he is descended from a common alley cat, one could not expect much better,” she said.
“His guilt and his descent appear by your account to be the same,” retorted Elizabeth.
“Excuse my interference,” spat Miss Bingley, “it was kindly meant.”
At supper, Mrs. Bennet yowled triumphantly of her expectation of Jane’s marrying Mr. Bingley, while Darcy looked grave. Mary plunked on the pianoforte with very little grace, and Lydia and Kitty exposed themselves with the officers. To make matters worse, Mr. Collins hardly left Elizabeth’s side, sorely tempting her to swat him with her paw.
[As Elizabeth and Darcy danced] Sir William Lucas appeared close to them, meaning to pass through the set to the other side of the room; but on perceiving Mr. Darcy he stopt with a bow of superior courtesy to compliment him on his dancing and his partner.
“I have been most highly gratified indeed, my dear Sir. Such very superior dancing is not often seen. It is evident that you belong to the first circles. Allow me to say, however, that your fair partner does not disgrace you, and that I must hope to have this pleasure often repeated, especially when a certain desirable event, my dear Eliza, (glancing at her sister and Bingley,) shall take place. What congratulations will then flow in! I appeal to Mr. Darcy—but let me not interrupt you, Sir. You will not thank me for detaining you from the bewitching converse of that young lady, whose bright eyes are also upbraiding me.”
Such superior dancing