Risky Rockstar: A Hero Club Novel, стр. 66

I look over my shoulder at Pops. He pulls his Dodgers cap over his still-deep-brown hair. At eighty-two, he doesn’t have a single gray hair. He’s looking out at the old oak tree; his eyes are a duller shade of blue than mine, but today they are sharp.

“I don’t believe you have.” He has. He talks about her often; he also talks about Emily, but that happens more on bad days when he still believes we’re together—when he’s lost and clawing at memories to tether him to a place in time. I couldn’t handle talk of Emily today. Not today. At least if he’s talking about Mary-Ellen, I know he’s in a good place, reliving good memories, and I’ll be damned if I take the opportunity away from him.

Pops leans back on the bench and takes a sip of his beer. “She was a sweet thing. Not as sweet as your grandmother, but sweet nonetheless. Used to do a ton of charity work. But she was an enigma, alright. I never could tell what was going on in her head.”

No kidding. I know how that feels. Right now, I just can’t seem to figure Hayley out. I let Pops wander down memory lane, telling me about the war (although he never mentions the really bad stuff), and the girls he used to “chat up” in the dance halls while I replay last night on a loop.

Hayley faked it. I know she did. And she did a good fucking job of it too. If I hadn’t seen the remnants of tears in her eyes or her haunted expression, I wouldn’t have noticed because… Fuck, I’m a dick.

I was so lost in her. In the whole evening. It couldn’t have been more perfect. Chasing her down with my caviar breath, her face lit up with laughter when I lay with my fucking lily-white ass in the air for the security guy to see. Her playfulness is as sexy as when she writhes beneath me.

I was so fucking lost in every moment with her, I missed the most important thing. The night at my place when she couldn’t come, I felt her pussy quiver against my lips, her walls squeeze down on my fingers when she was so close. When I was inside her and she was clenching around my dick, I could feel her hanging on the edge, craving release.

Nothing was different last night. Not a goddamn thing. I could feel her pussy clench around my cock, knew she was going to come, but then I got lost. Lost in how good it felt to be inside her, how wet she was. How fucking magical it was to kiss her. To know she was mine. Months and fucking months of buildup stole my awareness. I should’ve come the night she got off in the tub. I should’ve made sure I wasn’t hyped up. I should’ve done everything differently. Because sometime during the time I got lost in her, she lost her climax and felt the need to fake it.

I pick up another board and rub sandpaper over it, smoothing out the edges.

Pops’ voice is like white noise in the background. It should be calming, but I’m ashamed of myself. Guilt eats away at me as I think of how I failed Hayley.

Should I have called her out? Asked her about it?

I didn’t, because I didn’t want to put her on the spot, or pressure her. But didn’t I already do that with the moonlit picnic and the fucking romance? What I wanted was to give her a place she could relax and find some peace. But instead, she probably felt like she had to give me something in return.

Fuck, Kade. Fucking well done.

“You gonna nail that board or stare at it all day?” I wonder how long I’ve been staring at this board, but it’s long enough for Pops to give me a knowing smile. “What’s her name?”

I drop the board and reach for my beer. I take a long pull while I wipe the sweat dripping off my brow. “How do you know there’s a ‘her’?”

“Because there’s only one reason that look you’ve got on your face gets there. It’s a woman.”

“Can I ask you something, Pops?”

“Ask away. Can’t say I’ll have the answers though.” He takes the last sip and flings the bottle into the debris pile.

“How do you know if a girl is happy?”

Pops gives me a long look. “Seems to be that if you have to ask, she isn’t.”

My stomach sinks. That’s what I was afraid of.