Risky Rockstar: A Hero Club Novel, стр. 44

She looks over at the Ferris wheel spinning around and around, and it looks like her mind is doing the same. She places the cup on the bench and turns to face me. Her cheeks are pink from the chilly wind, and her eyes shimmer with worry. I put my cotton candy down, and she takes my hand. Even though her fingers are freezing, my whole body warms at her touch.

“Kade, don’t hate me for telling you this, okay?”

How the fuck she can think anyone could ever hate her is beyond me, but my stomach starts to sink and my mouth is dry as powder.

Her eyes flick down to our hands and then up to my eyes. It’s like she’s forcing herself to meet my gaze. “Kevin and I were never a couple.”

She blows out another breath, and if I thought I was confused before, I’m even more so now. But before I get a chance to ask her what she means, she continues.

“Ugh, this feels worse than I thought it would, and I had a very good idea that it would feel like balls.” She gives me another rueful smile and pushes her hair behind her ear, then quickly grabs my hand again. “Kevin and I made an arrangement to benefit us both. I’m not proud of myself, but at the time, we thought it was for a good reason. That reason no longer exists.”

She goes on to explain the situation between Kevin and his friend Claire, and how between that and trying to get a break from the relentless motherfuckers who rode her for months, they came up with the arrangement. By the time she’s done, the worry is replaced with unshed tears, and I wish I could do something to take the look of pain away from her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Kade.”

I rub my thumb along her hand, “What are you sorry for? You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“I lied to you. I lied to everyone.”

She looks so ashamed of herself, it makes me near-violent. I can’t understand it. All I know is that she shouldn’t feel any negative emotion in her life, let alone shame.

I don’t know what comes over me. Well, that’s bullshit because I know exactly what comes over me—I’ve wanted to kiss Hayley since that day at the studio, but she wasn’t mine to kiss. I haven’t been able to get her out of my mind, and I spend most of my time coming up with stupid reasons to message her just to check in. I don’t think she did anything wrong, but I don’t have the words to tell her it’s okay; I need to show her instead. My hands cup her face, and I press my lips to hers before my next breath.

She tastes better than I could’ve imagined, and it has nothing to do with the ice cream. Her lips move against mine, and a soft sigh whispers out her sweetly open mouth. I can’t resist sweeping my tongue into her mouth and immediately regret it, because the moment her tongue meets mine, I know I’m fucking screwed.

We get lost in the kiss, the noise of the carnival fading into the background. I feel Hayley’s fingers wrap around the material of my hoodie for a fleeting second, and then she pulls back. Regret stamps her features, and she scoots closer to me on the bench, our knees touching. I wait to hear what she has to say, my heart jackhammering in my chest because I think I just fucked up big-time. She may have kissed me back, but that was probably because she’s emotional, and I fucking took advantage of that.

“Kade.” She shakes her head, and everything in me grinds to a halt. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I can’t do this right now.” She blows out a breath. “I’ve made so many stupid decisions over the last…” She stops and kicks a loose stone beneath her boots. “God, too long now. I don’t want this to be another one.” She gestures between us. “Not that I regret that kiss. If my lips could, they’d stage a revolt right now because that kiss was….” She buries her face in her hands, but I can still see the red blush explode across her cheeks. “I’m messing this up.”

I reach out to place my hands on her shoulders. “You’re not messing anything up.”

She drops her hands, and her face sobers. “Kade, I can’t trust any decisions I make right now. This thing with Kevin was supposed to be a good thing, and instead he lost the most important thing in his life. I need some time to sort my shit out. I have to come clean about the fake relationship, and I…have a lot…I just have a lot to work through. Kevin gave me safe haven—a space to be me, Hayley, girl from Rhode Island, not Hayley Stephens, international superstar and living train wreck—and I screwed up everything for him. I need to figure out how to get my shit together without leaning on anyone else.” She blushes crimson again. “I can’t get swept up right now. I’m sorry.”

She looks like she feels like shit, and I don’t want that for her. “Hey, it’s okay. I get needing some space. We can just do the music—see where things go. No worries, alright?”

She blows out a breath, her relief evident. “Thank you.”

“You know—” I raise a teasing eyebrow. “—I gave you some of my cotton candy. Are you gonna share your now-milkshake with me?”

Hayley looks at the gooey mess in her cup and hands it to me with a wink. “I tell you what, you can have it all.”

I cover a sigh of relief. At least I didn’t fuck anything up. I can live with giving Hayley the space she needs for however long she needs it. I think our chemistry