Love and Sorrow (Small Town Secrets Book 5), стр. 82
Justin stuck his hands in his jeans, letting out a breath that I could see. Even though it was chilly out here, the crisp air felt welcome after being in the stifling house.
I started wondering if he expected me to speak first, but I didn’t know what to say. So I stared out at the yard and wound my arm through Justin’s, hoping he wouldn’t push me away.
Finally, he said, “Rascal, what the hell am I gonna do with you?”
Once again, my eyes filled with hot tears. “I don’t know.”
Gently, he turned me to face him and then he held me with both arms. As I looked up at him, he leaned down to kiss me. And, oh, what a kiss. That same kiss that had always washed away all the bad, and although I managed to stop crying, two tears snuck out just the same. “Now stop that.” With his thumb, he wiped them off my cheeks. “I can’t leave you, Randi. I just needed time to think.”
Instead of feeling comforted, though, I was struck by his words, and, as they rattled around in my brain pan, I felt worse. “What do you mean you can’t?” I fought to keep my lips from quivering. “Don’t let guilt stop you.”
“That’s not what I meant. Goddammit, woman, don’t you know by now what you mean to me?” No, I didn’t, and I shook my head. “Do you need me to say it, say that I love you?” There were those fucking tears again and a hot sensation in my nose as my body revved up for another crying jag. But this time it was a happy response as he cupped my cheeks with his hands. “I love you, okay? I love you.”
As I wrapped my arms around him, I was able to force out my own declaration. “I love you, too.”
I nestled my head against his chest, attempting to suppress more tears, and Justin rested his chin on top of my head. “I thought I’d made it pretty clear. I can’t leave you, Rascal. I can’t be without you. You’re every woman to me. The end. The all. You’re it. When I say, I can’t, I mean I don’t know how—and I don’t want to.” Then, pulling away just enough that he could lift my head with two fingers under my chin, he almost whispered, “When I said I needed time to think, that’s what I meant. That’s all I meant.” And then he kissed me again, taking my breath away. “And I even think I’m okay with being a dad. You sure you’re pregnant?”
“I haven’t had a pregnancy test lie to me yet.”
“Does that mean we can’t have sex until the baby gets here?”
“Are you kidding?”
Justin’s mouth curved into a lopsided grin. “No.”
“We can have sex until I go into labor!”
“That won’t hurt the baby?”
I couldn’t help the small giggle bubbling up in my throat. “No. Devon seems okay, doesn’t he?”
“Aw, fuck. Don’t make me picture you and your ex having sex.”
“You asked—but trust me. It’s perfectly safe.”
Pressing his lips to my forehead, he said, “Guess we better get back inside. You cold?”
“Yes.”
But he gave me one more heart-warming kiss before we went back inside. Then we spent the afternoon visiting with my family, smiling and laughing. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d enjoyed myself with my family so much. When we had to leave later, everyone seemed sad that we had to go.
For the first time in a long time, I felt completely loved.
On the way out to the car, I muttered, “I hate that I have to go into Play It Again.”
Justin asked, “Do you want to quit, Rascal?”
“I don’t know. I was pissed at Kathy for a while, but I actually like working there. I don’t want to be there forever, but it’s okay for now.”
“We can talk about it if you decide you want to leave.”
Jesus. How had I ever doubted this man? “We better hit the road. Meet you at the house?”
Devon tugged on my sleeve. “Can I ride with Justin, mom?”
I looked at Justin to see if he even wanted my son along for the ride. Before I could ask, he said, “Yeah, c’mon, kiddo.” Justin gave me a quick kiss before grabbing Devon’s hand.
Glancing at Sarah, I asked, “Do you want to go with Justin, too?”
“No.” After hugging my sweet daughter, I turned around to face my parents’ house where they all stood around the door. I waved at them before Sarah and I got into the old van and I turned the key in the ignition.
Once on the road, the two of us were quiet for a good part of the way, maintaining a steady distance from Justin’s truck. Silly Devon kept rolling down the window to stick out his hand to wave, making Sarah and me laugh, and I wondered if Justin was regretting allowing him along for the ride.
“Hey, mom?”
“Yeah, honey?”
“I heard you tell Aunt Megan you think you’re the world’s worst mother.”
Oh, Jesus. A shiver shot up my spine. Sarah was supposed to have been playing with her cousins in the basement out of earshot. But she’d heard it just the same, and I’d discovered today that the truth really had set me free. I wasn’t about to lie to my child, not now. “Yes, I said that.”
“But you’re not, mom. You love me, and you’re helping me. Isn’t that what the best parents do for their kids?”
The tears