Love and Sorrow (Small Town Secrets Book 5), стр. 76
I started cleaning up, putting away leftovers, before everyone was completely done, mainly because I couldn’t force any more food down. Devon asked, “May I be excused?”
He’d eaten enough—and he’d be guaranteed to eat a whole lot more at my mother’s house tomorrow. “Yes, but don’t forget to scrape your plate.”
While he was doing as I’d requested, he wanted to find out just how spoiled he was. “Can we play more video games?”
“Actually, I’ll leave that up to Justin. He might want to watch something on TV.”
He shook his head. “Go for it, sport.”
“Awesome.”
“I’m done, too, mom. I’m gonna play with him.”
My daughter…she was almost normal, if that was even a term I could use anymore. She was getting better, though, and every word out of her mouth, every sparkle in her eye was testament to it. Without a doubt, the counseling was working.
As I started filling up the sink with water, Justin came behind me, sliding his hands around my waist. “What’s wrong, Rascal?”
Shit. So much for hiding it.
This was the moment I’d been dreading. Talking to Justin about it would make it completely real. Was I ready? Not even close, but he was standing there, snuggling me close, waiting for me to spill the beans.
Without warning, my eyes filled with tears and, muscles feeling weak, arms heavy, I shut off the water before turning around, burying my head in his chest. That was when the tears really started to rain. While trying to suppress sobs, I spat out, “I don’t even know how to say it.”
He led me to a chair and I grabbed a napkin to dab at my face. Sarah and Devon appeared from the doorway and Devon, my little angel, patted me on the shoulder. “What’s wrong, mom?”
Forcing a smile, I looked at my beautiful children through watery eyes before using a positive tone that sounded almost happy. “Nothing, guys. Everything’s okay. I just need to talk to Justin for a little bit, okay?”
Sarah wasn’t buying it. “Did I do something?”
“No, honey, no. I promise. It’s not you, sweetie. It’s something that happened to me. Please don’t worry. I’ll be okay.” Pulling Devon and Sarah into an embrace, I forced myself to keep that smile plastered as Justin sat in a chair next to me. “If you guys give me a little bit, we can make more banana splits in a while.”
Sarah shook her head. “I’m too full.”
Devon grinned. “Mom’s going crazy.”
“Don’t expect this all the time, guys. Tonight’s an exception. Now go play your games, okay?”
Neither child was convinced—I could see that in their eyes—but they went to the living room just the same. As I dropped my forehead into my hand, Justin touched my knee. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I couldn’t put it off. Nodding, I took a deep breath and then forced myself to look up at him. Like ripping off a bandage, I was just going to blurt it out. “I’m pregnant.”
Justin’s face froze, and it looked like he wasn’t even breathing. Finally, as if he thought he’d misheard me, he blinked a few times as he said, “You’re what?”
I continued avoiding his eyes as the knot in my stomach grew tighter. “Pregnant. I took a test today to be sure, and it was positive.” It wasn’t until then that I looked up at him.
And he simply stared back, emotionless. For a long while, he seemed speechless, and it took me back to my days with Mike when a revelation like this might have brought a slap to my face—or worse. I swallowed again as my body filled with that feeling of dread, wishing he would fucking say something, anything, and my eyes filled with tears again.
When he finally did speak, his voice was so low, it sounded like a growl. “How did that happen? I thought you were on birth control.”
As I closed my eyes, two tears dropped down my cheeks. “The week I was sick, I forgot to put on a new patch. I didn’t remember until the next week. I was just so sick, so out of it, I never even thought about it. And by the time I realized I missed it, it was too late. We’d already had sex by then. So I hoped…”
Justin nodded, pulling my head to his chest, letting me cry.
But he didn’t say anything else for the remainder of the evening. This man I’d grown to love, who always had something to say, a devilish twinkle in his eyes, a hidden grin, as laid back as they came, was quiet for most of the night. The silence was heavy, but I figured maybe he just needed to process.
After the kids went to bed, I joined him in the kitchen where he sat at the table staring at the wall. I’d thought telling him would make me feel better, but I instead felt worse, and now I was wondering if I should have simply made a decision before coming to him. Sitting in the chair beside him, I could feel the tension. It was so thick, I could have cut it with a knife.
I couldn’t tolerate the silence anymore. “What are you thinking? What should we do?”
“I have no fuckin’ idea. I’m trying to wrap my mind around it, trying to figure out if this was part of your plan. Since we’re playing house, we might as well play mom and dad.”
I had no control over the tears as they started dropping again. “You think I did this on purpose?”
One thing I’d give Justin—he kept his voice low. Mike would have already been yelling, waking the kids up. Somehow, though, Justin seemed scarier, and even though he’d never once made me feel threatened, I couldn’t help but notice the way his hands were balled up into fists. “What am I supposed to think, Randi? Are you sure this baby doesn’t belong