Mr. Big Shot: An Enemies To Lovers Romance (Kinda Cocky Book 1), стр. 45

I wanted Karina back.

“You’re such an idiot,” I growled.

I sat down at my desk and pressed the ‘reply’ button to Karina’s email. As I sat back, I tried to formulate the best response to her message. While it was quaint and contrite, it was also filled with malice. I had taken advantage of her. That much was for sure. It was all because I didn’t know how to peel my future away from my past.

I watched that cursor blink, and blink. I kept drawing in deep lungfuls of air as it continued to blink, and blink. I heard the wind whipping around the twenty-something acres I owned as the cursor blinked, and blinked.

The longer I sat there, the more paralyzed I became.

“Zane?”

Brenden’s voice snapped me from my trance. But, when I did, it was as if the light completely dimmed from my eyes. My home office was no longer lit up with the presence of the sun. Instead, a darkness had settled over it.

A darkness as expansive as the hole my ex left in my heart.

“Zane!”

I cleared my throat. “Yeah?”

I raised my eyes long enough to see Brenden pop his head around the door frame. “There you are. You weren’t at the office, so I came here.”

I nodded slowly. “Uh, sorry.”

He stepped into the room. “How long have you been sitting here?”

My eyes dropped to my computer, and even I was shocked. And that shock must have registered on my face.

“That long, huh?”

I sighed. “Can you make it quick? I have some things I have to--.”

“I know what happened.”

“With what?”

He closed my office door as if someone else might hear our conversation. “With Karina. I know what happened. Roxy and Kelly called me to give me an earful since, well, they didn’t know your number.”

“Ah.”

He looked at me with pity. “Do you want to know what I know?”

“You just said you know what happened. So.”

He licked his lips. “Have you heard from her?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“That’s probably because she’s too busy packing her house.”

My eyes focused. “What?”

“Probably heading back to her parents’ home after what happened. And I can’t really blame her. What the fuck did you do out there, Zane?”

I shot up from my desk. “She’s packing up what now?”

He held out his hands. “You need to calm down and--.”

I stormed toward the door. “I have to get to her. I have to stop her!”

He grabbed my arm. “Not until you hear what I have to say.”

I wrenched away from him. “Get the fuck off me.”

Then, my brother grabbed my suit and shoved me against the wall. “For God’s sake, man! For once, just listen to me!”

I swallowed hard as I drew in shallow breaths.

“What the hell do you have to say that could be more important than this right now?”

He splayed his hands over my chest. “You’re not responsible for Lindsay’s death.”

I grimaced. “Don’t say her name.”

“Well, someone needs to. Because you haven’t said her name since we buried her. And, if you don’t remember, she meant just as much to me as she did to you.”

“Doubtful.”

He smacked my cheek. “Snap out of it and give me back the Zane I know.”

I glared at him. “Try that again and see what you’re going to get.”

“Well, at least I have you now instead of the sulking pussy you’ve turned into.”

I turned my eyes angrily from his. “Even though I’m a man, I have a right to--.”

“Feel like shit, yes. But, no one has the right to carry baggage around so long and hard that it hurts others around them. No one gets that right. Not even you.”

I shrugged. “I know.”

“Then, stop fucking acting like it. Look, I know you feel guilty about Lindsay’s death, but it wasn’t your fault. You weren’t the one who was driving drunk that night. The other driver was. You tried to spin her side of the car out of things, but it was too late. You did all you could to maneuver out of that impossible situation to save you both.”

“But it didn’t save her!”

He shook his head. “No, Zane. It didn’t. And you need to cope with that.”

I felt myself shivering. “She should have walked away.”

His voice softened. “I know.”

“She should have walked away with me!”

“I know.”

I sniffled. “Or maybe, even without me.”

He gripped me and pulled me into a hug. “Dude, I get it. I promise you, I get it.”

I drew in a few broken breaths before Brenden pulled back, forcing me to look into his determined stare. “I get it, fully and completely, Zane. But, it’s time you let yourself off the hook. Because if you don’t, you’re going to lose out on so much life still has to offer you. And you know damn good, and well Lindsay would never, ever be okay with that.”

A tear fell against my cheek. “I miss her so damn much.”

“I know you do. We all do. But, it’s time you told someone else about her. Maybe, someone you’ve started to care about? Hmmm?”

My mind fell back to Karina and how hurt she must have felt.

“I don't know if I can fix that,” I said.

His hands dropped, and he stepped back. “Since when the hell did Zane Hearthstone ever say the words ‘I don’t know’?”

I paused. “Do you happen to know when she’s heading out?”

He smiled. “As a matter of fact, I do.”

“When?”

“When she can get packed up. And right now, as we speak, Roxy and Kelly are doing everything in their power to stall her. So, what do you say to all of us go out on the town again? Yeah?”

I shook my head. “Not tonight. I don’t feel like it. I just want to get settled back into work and things like that.”

“Didn’t you hear me? Karina’s going to be coming out with them tonight.”

“If I know her like I think I do, she won't be dragged out either. She hated that night at the club almost as much as I did. And she won’t let Roxy or Kelly talk her into