Rattled, стр. 6

That does make sense. It had to have been pretty traumatic watching the guy you love die and then being tossed back into the system and moved around.

“Five months along and I didn’t have a clue.”

“You gave it up.” Shit, I didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but I can’t help it. If she loved this Brandon as much as she said, then she’d have fought tooth and nail to keep his baby.

Her dark eyes harden. “It wasn’t an easy decision!” she yells.

“Then tell me.” My tone is calmer but I need for her to explain to my why she gave up her child. She would have never told me back in school, even if I would have asked.

“If I had kept the baby, I couldn’t remain at the school. They didn’t have a nursery. If I left the school, I would have been back in the system.”

“You would have still had your daughter,” I point out, the old judgmental self coming to the surface. I can’t help it though. She abandoned her kid.

“I’d be raising her in a group home, if that. If a social worker didn’t think I was doing a good enough job, then they’d take her away from me and then what? She’s in the system, I’m in the system, and I wouldn’t be able to protect her.”

“So you decided to do what was best for you and give the baby away.”

Kelsey stands, knocking her chair back. “I did what was best for my baby. Not for me,” she yells.

She’s glaring at me.

Shit, a camera is on us and I just fucking blew it. So much for customer service.

I quickly begin to apologize. “I’m sorry—”

“Save it,” she bites out and starts gathering up her documents.

I can’t let her leave. Not now. I may be able to make it up on some of the customer service, or maybe not, but if Kelsey walks out that door, I am fucking screwed. “No, really, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t judge, but it’s just a sore spot with me.”

“What? Moms giving their kids up for adoption?”

I meet her eyes, but I can’t tell her, or confess anything. I’m too angry. “Yeah. Something like that.”

“I really was trying to do the best for my daughter,” she says with a little less anger.

“How?” I really do want to know how being raised by someone who is not a blood relation is good when that decision is for purely selfish reasons.

“Well, first of all, I didn’t just give her to anyone.”

“How do you know?” If she’s going to give me a fairytale story, I’m not sure I’ll be able to contain my anger.

“I picked them.”

“What?” How is that possible?

“Mrs. Robak took me to an adoption attorney. I went through all kinds of files on couples who wanted a child. When I narrowed it down to half a dozen or so, I got to meet them. I went to their homes, had dinner and got to know them.”

“How did you narrow it down?” I ask cautiously and I hope to hell it isn’t for some frivolous reason.

“Jobs, location, school, lack of criminal record, health and ages.”

Okay, not so frivolous.

“A couple that I met didn’t give me a good vibe.”

“Huh?”

“Vibe,” she tries to explain. “Brandon and I were on the street for too long. You just get a feel for people even without talking to them, sometimes. If my gut got a vibe, they were crossed off the list.”

One of the crew members comes forward and straightens her chair and then disappears. Kelsey sits and I try not to blow out a sigh of relief.

“The third family I met was perfect, but I didn’t settle on them until I met the last three.”

I’m nodding and my anger at her is kind of dying away.

“They were perfect and already had three children, which they had adopted from overseas.”

“Where?”

“Africa, China, and Colombia.” She smiles. “They wanted their own United Nations, I guess, but decided to adopt from within the States because we have a lot of kids needing families, too.”

“Do you get to see her?”

The smile slips from Kelsey’s face. “No. It’s closed. They have all of my information and my daughter will know she’s adopted, but I can’t contact her, ever. I agreed to that to avoid confusion. When she is older, her parents will tell her about me and then it will be up to her if she wants to meet me or not.”

Tears are in her eyes again. “That must have been hard.”

“It was, but what the hell could I give her? An uncertain life? A life on the streets? Danger? With them, she’s protected and loved. She’ll have anything her heart desires. Ten times more than I could ever give her.” Kelsey looks me in the eye. “I wasn’t selfish in giving her up. Selfish would have been keeping her, then losing her to the system. There are great families out there, but there are also some really bad ones and I couldn’t risk that happening to her. This was the only way I could think of that would protect her.”

Man, this is so not what I was expecting. She really loved this Brandon and she loved her daughter. Kelsey didn’t deserve the shit I gave her, and I’m sick about the way I treated her.

I glance up at the clock. We’ve been in here over an hour and I haven’t even started the tat yet. There’s no time limit. The Reeds want a good tat for a good reason, not a rush job that will leave the customer unsatisfied. I get that and I’m really glad I took the time to ask. And if there is a time limit that I’m not aware of, hopefully they’ll understand and give me some slack on it. But from what I know of them, and after they hear Kelsey’s story, they’ll get why this is taking so long. I just wish I could delete the parts about me being an ass.

There’s still other