King of Diamonds (All About the Diamond #2), стр. 52

I was freaking out and maybe I blacked out or something from the emotional trauma. “You make everything better.”

Rick kisses me sweetly on the forehead and holds me to him, “Good, because I’m not letting you go.” I feel his worry in the way he holds me. He means it when he says he’s not letting me go. He doesn’t want me to leave him again.

I lead Rick to the love seat and wrap the blanket around us. “I was freaking out, but that doesn’t mean I’m leaving. My head is catching up with my heart. You have your own version of it. You start to say something and then stop or edit your words before they come out. You tell me more with your touch and kiss than words could ever say. I know what you want. I know how you feel about me. I know your dreams.” I take his face in my hands and lock eyes with him, “I want everything you want and I only want to have it all with you. I’ve never wanted any of it before, never even thought about it.”

“You left me in LA. You packed your stuff and left me, ran from me. I know you were hurt. You pulled away from me and wouldn’t listen to what I was saying. You hid from me and wouldn’t answer my texts when I couldn’t find you. You wouldn’t even respond to Sam. You didn’t come home for days and when you did, you packed and disappeared for weeks. We can’t do that, we need to go to each other for answers—not run. When you freak out, it makes me worry that you’ll do it again. I’m not leaving you alone. Now I know that asshole was after you, when you were weak and needing me, but wouldn’t admit it. I did my best not to get pissed about you dating Adam, and I still hate it. Sherry, we need each other. Stupid shit happens, but together we make it okay. I don’t blame you. I know what it looked like. You’re what’s important to me, none of the rest matters. Honestly, I suck at the rest without you.”

“We can’t be together every minute of every day. You have to trust me.”

“Stop! I do trust you. But, you have these moments like today when something clicks in your head about me living here and I don’t want a moment to make your flight instinct kick in. Shit! With you, you could be on a plane in thirty minutes and on your way to Hawaii.”

“That’s not going to happen. I’m not going anywhere without you.” Rick shakes his head unsure. “You have to trust me. Stop letting your head get in the way, believe in your heart.” I take a deep breath, “Do you want me to tell you the crazy thing I’ve been thinking about doing? I guess I may have already told you in my sleep. What can I do to help you understand and believe I’m with you, never leaving you?”

Rick stares at me, his wheels turning.

“You know I have days where I’m waiting for you to take off with one of the young baseball hotties, right? I’m older than you. You can have any of those girls you want. I know they’re perkier and tighter all over. They’d be easier, do whatever you want and let you take care of them. Not insist on paying their own way, not difficult in any way. You have girls waiting in your room on road trips! Damn it! I’m already 35. You want a family. I’ve never worried about any biological clock before, but I have limited time to give you the family you want and your mother already thinks I’m too old for you. Fuck! And, that crazy doesn’t even include the crazy thing I’ve been thinking about doing! So, we might as well put all our insecurities and crazy out there.”

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! The tears start rolling down my face. My tone turned to yelling as I ranted insanely. He’s already concerned about me having moments that could make me want to run away and I’m showing him how fucking crazy insecure I am about him.

“I only want you. You want me for me. None of those girls out there care who I am. They all want a baseball player. I don’t care how old you are. I love being with you and if it’s always just me and you, well I’d rather have you than anyone else.” He closes his eyes, “Tell me the crazy thing you’ve been thinking about doing. Might as well get it out there.”

I’m quiet for a few minutes while my thoughts twirl about. I can’t tell him what I’m thinking about doing. I just need to do it, crazy or not. I don’t know why I want to give him everything and maybe it will make some of our insecurities disappear. I gaze at him with a quivering smile and take his hand. “I’m done thinking about it. I know what I want. I’m ready to stop taking my daily pill for you. You tell me when. I promise this isn’t a trap. I want to give you everything and I’m not pressuring you. I’ll keep taking my pill until you say when.” We’ve talked about someday, but I made someday real.

Rick’s whole attitude changes, his body language loosens up. “Do you mean that?”

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. I’ll never hurt you intentionally and I know it’s a soft spot for you.”

His smile reaches his eyes and his cheeks, “I love you. I don’t want to rush it. I want us to have time together. Please don’t take this the wrong way, because I want it with you more than you know.” He stops. “Maybe when we get back from Hawaii,” he says quietly.

I need him, I turn to him with sexy eyes, “Is there anything else I can do to