Shameless (The Therapist #2), стр. 46
“What the fuck, Ava!” I yell through the glass. Ava’s smile vanishes.
Like an angry teenager, I stomp through the house, making my way to the front door. I grab the knob and snatch it open, where I find Ava sauntering towards me with her arms outstretched like she's asking for a hug. She has on basketball shorts and a white tank top in this cold weather. What the hell?
“Ava, what the fuck are you doing here?” I yell. I’m so pissed off, it takes everything in me to keep my voice low enough not to alert my neighbors.
“I wanted to see you,” Ava replies in a completely normal tone, dropping her arms to her sides and pouting. She acts like her presence here is totally normal and had been planned by both of us.
“So you decided to show up here unannounced and peek into my windows?” I growl.
“I just wanted to make sure you were home before I knocked on the door,” Ava says, still sounding unaffected. “I didn’t mean to startle you, and I can tell I did. Look how mad you are. I’ve never seen you this way before. It’s deep. I kind of like it.”
Without a single care in the world, Ava steps forward and tries to wrap her arms around my neck. I have to physically stop her to keep her from grabbing me.
“Ava, stop it!” I bark. “What the fuck is wrong with you right now? Do you not realize how you're acting?”
Ava pauses, coming to a complete stop as if she's been frozen in place.
“How am I acting, Malcolm?” she asks, her gaze turning cold.
I let out a sigh and quickly gather my thoughts. I can't say the wrong thing right now, so I shift gears and go into therapist mode.
“I don't mean to say you're acting in any particular way that can be labeled by a specific word,” I say, trying to use my education in my career field to defuse the situation. Maybe I should’ve left my relationship with Ava as therapist and patient after all. I’m not sure we’ll ever be past those roles. “You have to understand and respect boundaries, Ava. That’s all I’m trying to get you to understand.”
“No,” Ava mumbles, taking a step back. “You were going to tell me I’m acting crazy, weren’t you? Is that it, motherfucker? You think I’m crazy?”
“What?” I say, shocked by Ava’s sudden display of anger. Before my eyes, the skin on Ava’s neck starts to turn pink. She’s literally heating up with rage. “I’m not saying that, Ava. I would never say that about you.”
“Why? Because I’m crazy and you're afraid of me?” she barks.
Yes.
“Of course not,” I lie. “I know you better than that. I wouldn’t ever call you that.”
“But you're thinking it.”
“That’s not fair. You can't make assumptions on what I’m thinking, and then use those assumptions to get more upset. It’s irrational.”
“Oh, so now I’m irrational?”
Fuck, I stepped right into that one.
“Come one, Ava. You're putting me in lose-lose situations, and I don't like it. We can't work like this. This just won't work.”
As the words flow, the thoughts flow with them. I knew this thing with Ava wouldn’t last forever. It was made out of a situation that never should’ve happened. I was Ava’s therapist, and I never should’ve crossed that line. It’s my fault things are out of sync now. It’s a rule you don't break, a line you don't cross, and I hopped right over it with no regard to how it might affect Ava. It’s on me. And now I have to fix it.
Ava stares at me, glaring at me with an intimidating intensity in her round brown eyes. I know she won't react well to this, but I have to do it, because I can't keep this up. It must be done.
“Ava,” I say after releasing a breath. I stand up straight and exhale again. “We can't keep doing this. We have to end it. I can't keep dragging this out with you, because it’s not fair to either of us.” Ava doesn't move or respond in any way. “I don't mean to hurt you, and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it before. I’m sorry, but we have to end this thing between us. It never should’ve started in the first place.”
Suddenly, Ava smiles as if I never said anything. I’m taken aback by her quick change of mood, and I’m downright shocked when she steps forward again and tries to kiss me. I have to put my hand on her chest to hold her back once again.
“Ava, no,” I say, firmly. “This isn’t a game, and it’s not some kind of test. I’m serious. This isn't about the Black House. This isn't about the rules. It’s about me and how I feel, and this has to end. It has to be over.”
“Malcolm,” Ava says in a soft, pleading voice. Almost as if she doesn't believe me. “Come on. We’re in love. There isn't anything we can't work through.”
“No, Ava, we’re not in love. We have fantastic sex, and I’m grateful for that. It was phenomenal while it lasted, but I’m not sure it’s ever been anything more than that, and that’s just not good enough for me anymore. It’s not worth it. So, this has to be it. Let’s not drag it out any further than this moment. Please.”
Ava stands in front of me, frozen again. Her eyes lock onto mine, and she barely blinks.
“I’m sorry, Ava, but it’s over,” I say again, just to make sure she really hears me. I’m not sure if she does, because she doesn't even move. She stands in front of me with a blank expression on her