The Heart of the Jungle, стр. 36

"How do you think you're going to react when we catch up to him?" Jason's tone was less concerned than curious.

Chris stood and walked away from the table, the sandwich forgotten, along with his appetite. "I haven't gotten that far. I honestly don't know. For his sake, he'd better be in police custody, or I'm as likely to kill him as anything." The idea that Michael had staged his death, that he'd run off with Brianna, was so unspeakably horrible, Chris couldn't wrap his brain around it. How could Michael do this? He of all people knew how much Chris loved Brianna. He swallowed against the sour taste in the back of his throat as he mulled over what Michael had done to him.

"That's good. That anger. Hold onto it. It'll help you get through this. It'll keep you centered."

Chris turned away from the window and toward Jason. His hands were clenched into fists, and his body was so rigid it was trembling.

"Anger is an understatement. I'm seriously pissed off."

Jason tried but couldn't completely hide the smile that formed on his lips. Apparently, the idea of Chris throttling Michael was funny.

Chris's stiff limbs relaxed, and he fought a smile of his own. He had to admit, it did seem a little preposterous. It was only with great effort that Chris ever raised his voice---forget about fists.

To cover his smile, Chris gave Jason a sardonic look. "Give me a break, Kingsley. I know I've been a little weepy the last couple of days, but I'm not a wilting lily all the time. I have a touch of Irish in my pedigree, and I can have a good tantrum if I put my mind to it."

Jason could no longer contain his mirth, and he broke out in a hearty laugh. "I know," he chuckled. "I've been climbing the walls all day and you've been out shopping?" he parroted. "I almost lost bladder control."

Chris rolled his eyes. "Jerk," he said. He snatched a pillow off the bed and threw it. Jason caught it in midair. "Now who's teasing?" He returned to his seat.

Tears squeezed out of Jason's eyes as he looked over at Chris. It truly wasn't that funny, but for some reason, he couldn't hold back the laughter once it had been released. Chris finally gave in to chuckles of his own, and soon they were roaring, their mirth feeding off itself. After several moments, they sat together, spent. Jason reached out and took both of Chris's hands. "I know you're a client, Chris, and this is all supposed to be professional, but I want you to know that I really do care."

"I feel the same way," Chris replied before he could stop himself or contemplate what the admission might mean. "It's like I've always known you. I've opened up to you more in a few days than I ever opened up to Michael in the five years we lived together." Somewhere in the middle of the speech, the initial innocent intent of his admission dissolved. The feel of Jason's hands became a powerful force pressing against the wall he'd put up between them.

"Does this scare you?" Jason asked.

Chris bit his lip. "A little," he admitted. Then, in response to a skeptical look from Jason, he said, "Okay, a lot. But where you're concerned, sheer terror is all part of the package, I guess."

As they stared at each other, they drifted together. There was a look of deep longing in Jason's eyes that drew Chris irresistibly closer. He could almost feel the hunger in Jason's lips. He was shocked to find his own lips eager to be claimed.

An instant before they came together, some deep instinct of self-preservation overcame him, and Chris turned away abruptly. He stood and shook his head sadly as he looked down at Jason. Unable to speak, he walked to the window. He stared out in silence, his heart pounding and his hands shaking.

An uncomfortable silence hung suspended in the gulf between them.

After a long while, Chris finally spoke in a tremulous voice. "I was being honest, Jason. I really do care."

"No, you don't have to explain, Chris. I shouldn't have---"

"Let me finish." He turned and their eyes met. "I don't understand the effect you have on me. I don't understand my reaction to it. The only thing I am sure of is that it's all wrong. I'm just not in a position to---"

"Look, let's just forget it," Jason said coldly, obviously stinging from the rejection but trying hard not to let it show.

Chris turned back toward the window. He took several deep breaths.

He wasn't sure he could forget it. He wasn't sure at all.