Where We Meet Again, стр. 64
I wipe beneath my eyes with my thumb and index finger, careful not to smear my eyeliner, and walk back to Evelyn on the couch.
Her face holds a concern she shouldn’t be feeling for me. I’m her mother. She’s my concern, not the other way around.
I swallow my guilt and curl up in the recliner beside the sofa. It’s out of its usual place, because neither Law nor I couldn’t stand being more than two feet away from her.
“Why are you guys fighting with each other?” Straight to the point. I’d be proud if I wasn’t already annoyed.
“Adults have disagreements, honey. Nothing for you to worry about right now.” Reaching out, I comb her hair with my fingers.
“You’ve been disagreeing for weeks. I don’t like it. I don’t like it because it makes you sad, and I don’t like it because I don’t want him to leave and never come back.”
My hand freezes.
When did she become so perceptive? And how do I answer that?
“Do you know where he’s going right now?”
I hold my breath as I await her response. I’m apparently not above using my fourteen-year-old for information. Besides, I’m going somewhere with this.
She nods. Her mouth falls open, and then she snaps it closed and moves her gaze out the window.
“What is it?”
She shrugs. “He said he had to go back home for a while. And that he didn’t know when he’d be back.”
Does home mean his house or does home mean Logansville?
She looks at me, and what I see in her eyes nearly stops my heart. “He likes you, Mom. He didn’t tell me that, but I know he does. I see how he looks at you when you aren’t paying attention. And I like having him here. I’ve never had a dad before, and I know he’s not my dad. He said he doesn’t have any kids, but he should. I don’t know what it’s like, having a real dad, but I think he’s doing things a dad would do, and I like that.”
“And…” she bites her lip, suddenly nervous. “Well, if you don’t like him, I think you should because he likes you and I like him. We could be like an actual family or something. I don’t know.” Her voice trails off, and she pulls her blanket over her head.
I’m speechless.
Scratch that on her being perceptive. This isn’t perception. This is her living in a fourteen-year-old’s imaginary world. I know the damn feeling all too well.
“Evelyn,” I call gently. I want to see her face as we talk about this. Letting her down is going to hurt us both.
My fingertips graze the blanket over her head, but her choked voice makes me pause. “Don’t. Leave it,” she cries hysterically.
Why is she crying?
I peel the blanket over her head anyway, and she doesn’t fight me. The sight of her tear–streaked face tears my heart into pieces. “Oh, Evelyn,” I sigh. “What’s going on, honey? This is more than me fighting with Law.”
Her lower lip quivers in a way that tells me she’s on the verge of breaking down. I slide out of the recliner onto my knees beside the couch and pull her into my arms. “Talk to me.”
“It’s just that I don’t have a dad, and he’d make a really good dad.”
My arms tighten and give her a shake. “But, you have an awesome mom.”
Her breath hitches as she tries to suppress a sob. “Maggie didn’t have a dad. She only had a mom, and her mom d-d-died. Now, she’s all alone.”
Oh, god.
I knew she hasn’t been dealing well with the loss of Lori. We missed the service, because Evelyn was still in the hospital after having another surgery. I think it made her feel guilty. I tried having a therapist talk to her. She opened up some, but it seemed the only thing to help the grief would be time.
What she never shared is this fear of losing me and being alone.
A lump forms in my throat, and I blink back tears of my own. It takes everything in me to keep my voice steady and reassuring when it’d be so much easier to cry with her.
“Evelyn, look at me.”
I expect her to be hesitant, but her tear–filled eyes shoot to mine, wide and searching, as if I hold all the answers in the world. I wish I did. The only thing I can do is try my best and help her understand.
“The world can be a terrifying place. I wish I could tell you differently, but bad things happen to good people all the time. It’s horrible and unfair, and the sucky part is, there’s not a lot we can do about it. Maggie’s mom didn’t cause that accident. The black ice did. There wasn’t anything anyone could have done to stop it from happening. And that sucks baby. It sucks a whole lot. Lori was a beautiful person. A great mom, a good friend to us. We’re going to miss her for a long time.” I wipe away the tears rolling down her cheeks. More follow, but the gesture comforts me. “But you need to understand that you are loved. So loved. You need to understand that even when bad things happen, that love will help you through it.”
“If, God forbid, anything happened to me, your Aunt Kiersten would be there in a heartbeat. I also know deep down, even if he and I don’t always get along, that Law will be too. He’d never, ever leave you to fend for yourself.”
He and I could hate each other for the rest of our lives, but now that he knows the truth, he won’t go anywhere. She’s his family, and Law’s nothing if not loyal.
I loathe myself for my past mistakes and having to hurt him not only once, but twice. I got Evelyn out