Where We Meet Again, стр. 45
His face is a wash of concern, sympathy, and understanding.
“That said, we can go out as friends for New Year’s Eve. Get fancy, have some drinks, dance. You’re welcome to bring some friends.”
He rubs the back of his neck. “If it’s the best you can do, I’ll take it for now. Maybe I can get you to change your mind.”
I reach out and pat his bicep. “You can’t. I’m sorry to be blunt, but I’m not going to string you along. After what you went through with your wife, you deserve a good woman. One who’ll treat you right.” My hand falls to my side, and I climb in the passenger door. Our radios click from dispatch with a call about a car accident. Saved by the bell. I lean out my window and slap the side of the vehicle. “Climb in partner! Time to work!”
Nathan hops in the driver’s side and rolls his eyes as he fires the ambulance to life. “Even if I wasn’t your partner, I could tell you’ve been off work for a while. Nobody is that enthusiastic about this job. Ever.”
“I can’t help it. I’ve been so bored.”
“Right. New rule. If you aren’t going to go out with me, you’ve gotta stop being so damn cute.”
That’s a compliment I’ll let him get away with.
Nathan pulls out of the garage. The siren whoops to warn the cars waiting at the intersection we’re coming, and the red and blue lights flash continuously. We are on our way.
Our relationship seems mostly back to normal. One thing I like most is how genuine he is. He doesn’t hold a grudge for something he has no control over. He also doesn’t make me uncomfortable for turning him down.
I’ll never admit it out loud, but I haven’t completely locked away the idea of dating him. There’s a minor attraction there, one I refused to acknowledge until he kissed me in the emergency room.
It’s just that my life is too crazy now that Law’s back. My emotions are on overdrive, and I don’t have that first clue to what it means seeing him again. For years, I committed myself to being alone, and I was content with the picture I conjured of that life. I’d long forgotten about living a life of love. The love from Evelyn had been enough. It still is.
Something stirred inside of me when Law came back. The more time he spends around flirting with the possibility of being together, the more open I become to exploring what that means. I also consider the likelihood of that need sticking around if Law and I don’t work out any farther than what we’ve been these past couple months.
When I left home, I was still a child. Then I had a child of my own. Those first years were a whirlwind. They are for every new parent. It threw me into figuring out how to manage my responsibilities and how to raise an infant at the same time. Two tasks many thirty-year-old’s struggle with separately. How I figured them out together as a teen, I’ll never know.
Focus overrode every aspect of my life. Evelyn was my number one priority, and in putting her there, the others fell into line. Next came the job, which was tied into money, and that money branched out into paying for bills and necessities. After the necessities came her wants, and my wellbeing fell somewhere behind that. Sex wasn’t even on the table, let alone trying to manage a relationship. After the night I conceived Evelyn, I’d convinced myself I’d never be vulnerable enough to have sex again. In my experience, it had been a game of manipulation. One I could never win, because I’d never be an experienced player.
That’s what I convinced myself. Then I blinked. And fourteen years had gone by.
In that time frame, I’ve built a beautiful life for my daughter and me. Our house is being paid off, I pay bills on time. We don’t live paycheck to paycheck, even on a single income, and I have plenty stashed away in an emergency fund. I can afford to buy us the extras our hearts’ desire. We aren’t rich by any means, but with only the two of us, life is comfortable. The focus I put into getting us here has recently converted into enjoying the things I earn.
The biggest of all being my happiness.
So, yeah. Law showing up in my life changes my perspective. I worked hard to get where I am and to dig myself out of the hole I landed myself in. That work is ending. In five years, Evelyn will go to college or start a job, possibly moving out. Five years. That isn’t much time at all. In the grand scheme of life, it’s practically nothing.
I have to let Nathan go, completely free and clear. It’s not fair to him, or myself, to string him along. I have to be strong and continue without a backup plan. If nothing comes from Law and me, and I want to continue exploring what’s out there, I can do it without a reserve. I believe life will work itself out the way it’s supposed to in the end.
The flashing lights from the police cars already on scene illuminate the road. The crash is a two-vehicle accident on highway 31 leading out of Arrow Creek. Traffic backs up as the officers close the stretch of highway and redirect cars coming through. Nathan has to drive us around and up an exit ramp to park us close, adding to the organized fleet of emergency vehicles.
From what I can see, an eighteen-wheeler parks a quarter mile up the road