Brazen Bossman: A Hero Club Novel, стр. 66
He looks up at me and removes his reading glasses. “Nathanial. What are you doing here?”
I push the door closed a bit, but I don’t let it latch completely. I don’t want him, or myself really, to feel trapped in case this goes sideways.
“I wanted to come by and see Mom to make sure she was doing all right, and I also wanted to come talk to you, actually.”
I watch as he processes this information. He scrubs a hand over his jaw, just as I do.
“All right. Sit down.” He nods toward the chair across from him.
“I don’t want this to feel like a business meeting, Dad. We’ve had enough of that in our lives, haven’t we?”
I wait for his reaction to that, because historically, and especially since his memory has been on the decline, he hasn’t taken kindly to anyone asking to change something he says.
But instead of the anger, confusion, and fright I am expecting, he rises from his seat. “You’re right. Let’s go sit by the window.”
He has a small seating area next to what used to be a fireplace, but it has since been bricked in and is used for aesthetics only. I take a seat in the leather chair on the left, my father on the right.
I tap my thumb on the armrest, unsettled nerves coursing in my body.
“So, how are you feeling, Dad?”
“You didn’t come all this way to ask me how I’m feeling, Nathanial. We may not see eye to eye, but you’re still my son, and I do know a thing or two about you.”
I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees with my face in my hands, for just a moment, before sitting back again.
“I came here to say that… I’m sorry for how things have been between us the last few years, and honestly… my entire life, really.”
He has his legs crossed with his ankle at his knee, watching me intently as I make my way through a speech I am absolutely improvising as I go.
“I was never the perfect son, but to be fair, all I wanted was for you to show me some kind of love. It was hard when everything else came before I did. You were a workaholic, much like I am now, and I’m starting to understand some things I didn’t before.” I swallow the lump forming in my throat. “You did your best. I know that now, but I didn’t do mine. I reacted badly when certain things happened, and I think we both let it spiral out of control.”
“We did,” he says plainly.
“And with everything happening with you now, and the spats we’ve had, it’s making me realize how short life is. I want to make sure we both live our happiest existences with no regrets.”
He is silent at first, and truly, I’m not even sure he is going to say anything, but he continues to surprise me.
“I have made so many mistakes in my life as your father, and as a husband. I put many things first, when they should have been last, but all I was trying to do was make sure you and your mother would have the lives I wanted for you. Maybe I was too hard on you for some of the things you did in your adolescence, and it clouded every judgment call I had to make.”
He normally averts my gaze during serious conversations. He always has, but right now, he’s looking directly at me.
He continues, “My mind is leaving me every single day, almost. I wake up and I don’t know where I am or what day it is sometimes. I see the sadness on your mother’s face, and the anger in yours, and it makes me wish neither of you had to deal with this because of me. I want nothing more than to make this go away not just for me, but also for you. Regardless of what you think of me, I have so many regrets as your father. I know that now. I may not be able to control the future and what this disease does to me, but I can control the now. And right now, I want to say I love you, Son. I always have, and I want you to always know it.”
The weight of my entire world crashes on my shoulders right then and there, and I can’t stop the flood of tears that escape my eyes. I’m a little boy again, right now, finally receiving love from the father he always needed.
“I love you too, Dad. I love you too.”
We both rise from our seats and grab onto one another in a tight hug. My hand fists into his shirt, holding him as if I’m scared this is a dream and he’s going to disappear any second, and we’ll be right back to where we started.
“A clean slate from this moment forward, yeah?” He pats my shoulder and steps back to his chair, trying to hide his own tears. He’s never been one to show his emotions.
“I think that’s needed for many reasons.”
My father and I spend the next hour simply talking in a way we really never have. From Lennox to NCL to Mom and everything in between, even Piper.
Don’t let that girl go, Nathanial. Love like that only comes around once in a lifetime, and you’d be a damn fool to let it slip by. Do what it takes to make things right. No matter what.
His voice plays in my head as I hug my parents goodbye, and as I slip behind the wheel of my car.
I know exactly what I need to do. No more accepting things as they are. I’m a Lennox, for fuck’s sake. We make shit happen and