All In (Keep Breathing Book 2), стр. 66
“You're taking on responsibility. You’ve played Dad up to this point. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Come on. I don't want to be the father.”
“Then why tell me. Why?” I yell so loud I feel the veins pulsating in my neck. “You could've died with this. We would've been fine.”
“I told you why.”
“And every single reason was fucking selfish. You're a dick. Listen, I have to go.”
“Liam.”
“No. Just fuck off. You might be able to live with yourself, but I can't.”
“You can’t tell her.”
"Fuck off.”
The patio door slides open just as my phone clatters to the table. Holly’s sweet scent invades me as she wraps her arms around my shoulders. Part of me wants to pull her down to me—claim her—and forget everything I just learned. The other part can’t turn off the visions of her and my brother and the fact everything I’ve known these couple of months is a lie.
"Is everything alright?" Holly asks, planting a kiss to my cheek.
“Everything is just dandy,” I mutter sarcastically.
Fucking dandy.
"You sure? It sounded like you were yelling at someone?"
"So, you came out here to be nosey?" I snip.
"I came out here because I was worried."
"I'm fine. Go back to bed." I brush her arms off my shoulder and rise to my feet, needing to get away from her. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch her body deflate at my rejection, but I can’t worry about her feelings. My life is spiraling and crashing at my feet.
I’ve never in my life felt so out of control. Not when I was recovering from pills or drinking.
The son I thought was mine is not mine. The girl I fell in love with, slept with my brother and I'm faced with telling her the truth or going on pretending I never knew or walking away for good.
"Liam? What is going on?” She wraps her little silk robe around her body.
"I said go back to bed," I seethe.
She's no longer mine. Matty is no longer mine.
Landon has literally pulled the rug out from under me and destroyed everything I was holding onto.
She doesn't say anything else, but I see the hurt glowing in her green eyes. I look away from her, not able to take her pain on top of mine. The patio door slides closed and she's gone.
I don’t know how long I sit out here in the dark with my equally dark thoughts, and the longer time ticks on the gloomier my thoughts get. I don’t move till the sun peeks out from the horizon alerting me to the arrival of morning.
Blindly, I move to my bedroom and find it empty.
What did I expect?
I get dressed for work, but before I leave, I go to check on Matty.
I find Holly sleeping in the bed next to his crib. The bed I put in for her but she’s never used. I stare at the two of them from the doorway, not making any attempt to go in.
Does anything change? I still love her and Matty, but can I live with myself lying to them?
And if I tell her, would she flee? Would she be able to look at me the same if she stayed?
Fuck, I just need to get out of here.
I’m a beast without sleep. Mary knows it. The second she saw me walk into the office she rushed to get me a coffee and a hot breakfast without me having to request it. I’m sure I look like a character out of The Walking Dead. I’m also certain she has warned the staff of my foul mood because my calendar has suddenly cleared and even Sam pushed her meeting with me till tomorrow.
And she’s normally the only one who can deal with me when I'm in a mood.
I’ve read the same sentence twenty times on this document. Every time I get past the second word my mind drifts to Holly and Matty, wondering what they are doing. How much I miss them already. But remembering at the same time how they aren't really mine. My office line rings, and I snatch the headset, not excited to talk to whoever is on the other side.
“Liam Morgan speaking,” I answer gruffly.
“You should really answer your cell.”
"What the fuck do you want, Landon?"
"We never finished talking."
"What the fuck is there to talk about? You lied and now…" I grab my coffee mug and grip onto it tight. Wishing it could burst under the pressure. Instead, I toss it across my office where it shatters on my floor.
Those broken pieces of ceramic resemble me right now. Broken. Fucking broken.
"If you didn't want me to tell her the truth, you could've just died with it."
"I'm sorry."
"You're not. I need to go. Don't call me."
"Are you going to tell her?"
I figured that’s what he was calling about.
"I don't know."
"Liam…"
I don’t listen to the rest of his pleas and hang up.
I pick up my cell and see the twenty miss calls from Landon and then a text from Holly.
I close it out without reading it and stare at the picture I have of her and Matty as my screensaver instead.
How did this happen to me again? How did the family I want so badly get robbed from me because someone I trusted lied to me?
I open up Holly's text message
Red: Taking Matty to the park after work if you want to join.
Have to work late. Won't be over tonight.
Red: Okay.