Pumpkin Spice, стр. 27
Barnabas could barely breathe. He got up and turned around. There he saw staring directly at him with a shotgun pointed at his face was Penelope Burrows. “Penelope!” He screeched with surprise, “Thank god you’re alright. Thank the lord.”
“There is no lord to thank, Barnabas. Only me.” She pumped the shotgun. Barnabas plead innocence. Penelope shot the ground at his feet and told him what she knew. She didn’t let Cassidy read the entirety of the letter, only the portion she wanted him to know. She knew what the Barabbas boys were doing, and she knew Barnabas had Reuben killed. Why? She didn’t quite know, but she had a sinking suspicion it had to do with her and her family’s land. She informed Barnabas that he wasn’t the only one after the property. She shot at Barnabas’ feet once again. He smiled this time. There was no more fooling the girl, “What’re you gonna do?” He spoke through his yellow-rotting teeth, “Kill me?” Surely, he didn’t believe she had the guts. “I’m not going to kill you. I’m going to watch you take trial. I want to see you behind bars.” Barnabas nodded. “You’re not always right, lady.”
“I’m righter than I am wrong, I got the proof about that.”
Barnabas cackled. “Very well then.” He raised his arms, “Take me in.” Penelope lowered her weapon.
“You were right about one thing, Penelope, Reuben was hunted and killed by the goblin in the woods. The Barabbas boys, we’re the goblin.” Just before he could turn to walk Penelope responded, “No, Barnabas.” She stared him dead in the eye, “I’m the Goblin of the Woods.” And with that Penelope fired her shotgun. Barnabas’ head exploded into a thousand pieces, covering the widow and the woods with his blood and brains.
Back at the Barabbas Boys office Cassidy stood at the table speaking with potential clients when the door burst open. Penelope, covered in the blood and brains of Barnabas, entered holding a shotgun. Without saying a word, she pulled the trigger and shot Cassidy dead. His body fell on the floor behind the table. Penelope looked at the potential clients, “Sorry about that.” She walked to the table and took a seat, “Now, let’s talk business.” She leaned back in her chair and crossed her feet atop the table.
TRANSYLVANIA LOVE CONNECTION
The full moon always shone bright over Transylvania High, no matter the time of day. This is not the land of men and women; this is the land of monsters. As the school day was beginning this late October morning Dracula, who had not yet earned the moniker of “Count,” walked the halls. He waved to his zombie friends he knew from gym class and blushed at the witches from the Wicca club. He was a confident young vampire who was excited for what his future would bring. His first period class was Occult 101 taught by Professor Van Helsing. He sat beside his best friend Frankenstein’s Monster, who was not the brightest, and as far as Dracula was concerned would be flunking out of high school had it not be for him. None of that mattered, the two had been friends since Frankie was brought to life by Dr. Frankenstein fifteen moons ago. Both the monster and the vampire enjoyed Van Helsing’s teachings; however, Dracula couldn’t help but feel a certain sense of unease around the professor.
After class Dracula and Frankie would mingle at their locker. On this particular day they had a topic to discuss, one that would change the course of their future. As Dracula was checking out the witches from Wicca club, he noticed a mummy and a skeleton hanging a banner in the hallway. He stepped aside and read:
“7th Annual Hallowe’en Dance. Come in Costume or Come As You Are.”
He grabbed Frankie, “You read that Frankie?” Frankenstein’s Monster looked at the banner, “Dracula, you know I can’t read.” Dracula’s eyes shot open, “It’s a dance Frankie! The Hallowe’en dance! I completely forgot about it. This is your chance.” Frankenstein’s monster was confused, “Your chance at BOF!” Dracula was getting excited. It was common knowledge throughout Transylvania High that Frankenstein’s Monster had a crush on Bride of Frankenstein, or BOF as Dracula called her. She was brought to life a year after Frankie by the same mad scientist for the purpose of being wed to the initial monster. Frankie was quite literally brainless and could never grasp this. Instead he walked the high school halls terrified to speak to Bride of Frankenstein. “I dunno Drac’s. Every time I see her, I get butterflies.” Dracula opened the monster’s jacket, “Those aren’t butterflies, Frankie, they’re moths.” Several moths flew out of his old jacket.
Such a hilarious joke.
What made matters worse was Frankenstein’s monster’s skin was a sharp green, but BOF was a pale cream colour. He thought the site of them together would clash.
The entire school was well aware of his affection for the girl who would become his future bride, everyone except both Frankie and BOF. Both were clueless to this. Now was his chance! He would ask her out to the dance and she would accept, and that would be the beginning of their happily ever after. That was what Dracula envisioned, he was always the hopeless romantic. Dracula wrapped his arms around Frankie and smiled, his two large front fangs slid down his chin. “She has to say yes, Frankie!” Dracula suggested. “I dunno, Dracs. How can you be so sure?” Dracula fixed his collar. “Well