The Mirror Man, стр. 47
There was a momentary jolt immediately following the injection and Jeremiah was hit with a vivid sense of being in water. The impression was so real that it completely threw off his equilibrium, as though he were instantly not on solid ground. He kicked his feet and had to catch himself to keep from falling off the chair. His breath caught in his chest. The sensation was real enough that he could almost taste the salt from the ocean on the tip of his tongue and lifted a hand to shield his eyes from the sun glinting off the waves.
“I’m sorry,” he heard Dr. Young say from very far away. “My mind wandered. I’m just thinking about a trip to Jamaica last year. Focus on the light.”
An hour or more seemed to pass in a few minutes. Before he knew it, he was fully aware of his surroundings again, the effects of the drug completely gone from his mind. The memory of what he’d seen was hazy, half-remembered and retreating fast.
“Well?” he asked. “What did you see?” He hoped he didn’t sound as nervous as he felt.
“I do detect some change in you,” she said, and a fleeting look of perplexity crossed her face. “There’s something a little bit more, I don’t know, settled. You aren’t as meticulous with your responses to stimuli. I sense more instinct...something different.”
“Is that bad?”
“Not necessarily,” she told him. “But it is a change, and that could be important to the experiment. I also sense a marked increase in your emotional depth, but I think that’s to be expected after the loss of a loved one. A lot of it may be perfectly normal reflection, a period of introspection. That is actually a useful coping mechanism. It means you’re working out your grief in a healthy way. I’m glad to see it, but...” She paused in a manner that made Jeremiah suddenly uncomfortable.
“Was there something else?”
“I’m not sure,” she said, and leaned in to look him hard in the eyes. “Jeremiah, are you absolutely certain there’s no suspicion at home? No one who might be questioning the clone’s authenticity?”
Oh, shit, he thought. Had he let his mind wander? Had she detected thoughts of his mother? Of the emails he’d read? Of Louie? He’d tried to be so careful, but there was no telling what he’d been thinking about under the Meld. If he’d thought about these things for even a moment...
“No,” he said flatly.
“I’m sensing something. It’s quite strong, but I can’t pin it down. Meld isn’t an exact science, mind you, but I have a distinct feeling that someone close to you knows something is wrong. And it’s very possible that I am detecting something that you yourself are not even consciously aware of. But somewhere in your own mind, Jeremiah, I think you have the same suspicions. There’s someone who isn’t fully convinced. I’m almost positive.”
In his head he wanted to tell her yes, he had plenty of suspicions. You bet there was someone who wasn’t convinced. But he kept his cool. He had to.
“I don’t think so,” he tried. “Maybe I’m remembering something about my mother again. Memories, maybe, some jumbled-up thoughts? You remember how upset I was when she didn’t recognize me...or the clone, rather. I haven’t been myself, you know?”
“Maybe,” she said thoughtfully, and leaned back into her chair. “Maybe it is related to that. Let’s talk about something else.”
He breathed an inaudible sigh of relief, happy she was off the topic for the moment.
“Like what?”
“In Brent’s reports, I see the clone and Diana have been at odds lately. Something about an argument on your anniversary?”
Jeremiah steeled himself against the onslaught of prying he knew was coming. But at least this was something he could handle.
“It wasn’t anything serious,” he told her. “Just one of those things. I think the clone had a little too much to drink, is all.”
“Is that typical?” she asked. “Was drinking an issue before?”
“No,” he said defensively. “It’s not a big deal.”
“Is the clone drinking more than you usually did at home? Has that become a problem for him?”
“No, not that I’ve seen. Look, Natalie, this isn’t anything to worry about. I’m sure it’s blown over by now. They looked okay at the funeral. They’ve probably already forgotten about it, with everything that’s happened.”
“Perhaps,” she said, her eyes narrowing. “Still, anything out of the ordinary could be important data. Any atypical behavior by the clone, or anyone close to him, needs to be looked at.”
“You’re reading too much into it,” he told her. “Haven’t you ever had a drink on an empty stomach? It happens.”
She was quiet for a moment and then shrugged as though agreeing with him. She changed the subject abruptly, as she often did. It always gave Jeremiah the feeling she was connecting dots he couldn’t see. It made him nervous. Especially now.
“What do you miss most about your life, Jeremiah? What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about that?” she asked expectantly.
“To tell you the truth,” he said, “it’s mostly little things that I miss. Sitting at the kitchen table on Sunday mornings. Dinnertime. Talking with Parker about school. I even miss bugging him about homework or cleaning his room. I suppose I miss being a father. I miss Parker most of all. That gets worse the longer this goes on.”
“Worse, how?”
“You know how it is with kids. Things change so fast. I feel like I’m getting more and more disconnected from him. I don’t know what he’s thinking about. I don’t know what new game he’s playing or what music he’s listening to. I don’t have all those little details anymore. I feel cut off.”
For a moment, Natalie’s expression looked almost sympathetic. Her eyes lingered on his, and her mouth tightened in a way that suggested she understood. But the expression was fleeting and she got