The Survivors, стр. 86

‘Mum –’ Kieran blinked. ‘Are you serious? Why would he make this up?’

Verity was attempting to get a resistant and sleepy Brian to his feet. ‘I have no idea why, Kieran. Although –’ She gave Brian a tiny shove of frustration. ‘I am quite curious to know why you’ve decided now is a good time to rewrite history.’

Kieran stared at her. ‘That’s not what I’m doing.’

‘No? Going to the station specifically to ask leading questions about things that happened years ago? About Finn and his boat and what time he was on the water and all kinds of rubbish –’

‘I –’

‘Because it sounds like classic deflection –’

‘Bullshit. Mum, that’s not –’

‘Not what?’ Verity pulled at Brian’s arm, her voice trembling with the effort to control it. ‘Not an attempt to channel blame away from yourself and onto your late brother? I’d be very interested, Kieran, to explore what has triggered this –’

‘That’s not what he’s doing, Verity –’ Mia was cut off with a sharp look.

‘You stay out of this, Mia. This is family business –’

‘Hey, don’t speak to her like that.’

‘She is not part of this,’ Verity snapped. She paused, her hands still on an unwilling Brian, then flicked her eyes back to Mia. ‘Or are you? Is it you who’s been encouraging all this? Stirring up trouble with some story about Finn and that girl’s bag? Because it’s always struck me as pretty lucky for you, Mia, that my husband came along when he did to take the heat. Otherwise the last person to see that girl alive was you.’

‘Hey! Watch it. This has nothing to do with her.’ Kieran was on his feet now. Mia didn’t move. ‘This is about me. I wanted to ask Renn. Because I wanted to know –’

‘What?’ Verity had given up on Brian, leaving him sprawled on his towel. She was staring at Kieran. ‘What was so important that you just had to know?’

‘I wanted to know if it was true that Finn and Toby were out on the water already. Mum? You get that, don’t you? I needed to know if the accident was my fault.’

Verity was very still, breathing in and out through her nose. ‘What does that matter now? It was so long ago. Finn’s dead. I have accepted that. Nothing can –’

‘It matters to me,’ Kieran said. ‘Of course it matters to me. It should matter to you too.’

‘Finn’s not here. That’s all that matters to me. Blame is not healthy or productive.’

‘Yeah.’ Kieran gave a hard laugh. ‘I realise that. I’m not sure you do, though.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘You think somehow I’m too blind or stupid to see what this has done to you? Both you and Dad? That I don’t feel what you feel about Finn being gone? That I don’t think about him all the time? That I don’t look at Audrey and have at least some idea what you’ve been through? That I don’t regret what happened every day?’ Kieran almost laughed. ‘Do you think I haven’t noticed that you and I can’t have a straight conversation where you don’t try to pretend that everything is fine?’ Kieran could feel the blood pounding in his ears as he looked at his mother. ‘Not very convincingly, by the way.’

He felt Mia touch his arm but ignored it.

‘I know how hard it was losing Finn, Mum. I get that. I really do. You can admit it.’ Kieran could hear himself pleading. ‘Please. I –’

‘All right.’ She stopped him short. ‘All right. You want to know how I really feel about all this?’ Verity straightened. ‘I feel that trying to accuse your brother of something, when he’s no longer here to defend himself, is despicable. Finn is dead. You’re the one who is still here, and you’re the one still causing problems for us all.’

‘Me?’ Kieran blinked. A strange and unpleasant sensation washed over him. A sudden dizzy adrenalin rush of free-falling. He felt it dislodge something sharp inside him. ‘I’m not the one with a dead girl’s bag on my boat.’

Verity slapped him.

He hadn’t seen it coming and the impact was hard enough to make his vision flash white. Kieran’s mother had never in his entire life raised a hand to him. The sound seemed to echo off the empty house.

‘You really want to hear it, Kieran?’ Verity’s tone was strange and soft now.

He put his fingers to his face. The skin was hot and he could feel the sting of the blow. ‘I think you really want to say it.’

‘Finn died because of you. It was your fault.’

There was a thick silence. They looked at each other, properly, for what felt like the first time in years.

Kieran lowered his hand from his face. It still hurt. ‘Feel better now?’

‘Yes, actually. I do.’ Verity inhaled, and exhaled. ‘Wish I’d told you that twelve years ago.’

Without another word, she turned her back on him, stepped straight over Brian, and walked into the house. Kieran heard her footsteps disappear down the hall, then nothing but the sound of the door to Finn’s room clicking open and shut again.