Princess: Stepping Out of the Shadows, стр. 37
By now I was feeling a flush of worry. Why was my husband suddenly so concerned about my health? Did he know something I did not know? Had he spoken with a doctor about my hand tremors without telling me? In Saudi Arabia, our men are still very traditional about many things. As a result of the guardian law, husbands have been given the right to share confidential information about their wives with physicians. Then, should a wife be diagnosed with an illness, the husband will be the first to hear from the physician, even before the patient.
I stared at Kareem without speaking.
‘Sultana?’
‘Have you spoken with a doctor about my tremors? Am I suffering from a terminal illness, husband? If so, I demand to know.’
Kareem always squirms when a conversation makes him uncomfortable. He was visibly doing so now.
Finally, my husband became truthful. ‘Sultana, no, I truly know nothing about any terminal illness. And I have not spoken with any doctors about your health. But I have noticed that you have a tremor in your hands. I believe you should take it easy. And,’ he hurriedly added, ‘we should make an appointment to see a doctor in London to have some tests.’
My husband had shocked me.
I stared at him and he stared at me.
Then I lowered my eyes to gaze at my hands, hands I no longer felt pleased to show. In my youth my hands had been soft and smooth and appeared to be the hands of the girl or young woman I was. The years have done little to bring wrinkles and spots to my face, for Saudi women have beautiful olive-coloured skin and we take no pleasure in baking in the sun in order to have a dark tan. As a result of this, our faces generally remain youthful, with few wrinkles. But now I must admit that my hands appear to be older than my years. While ageing is natural and gives me little worry, I do not welcome the way my hands have started to tremble unnaturally.
Unexpectedly, both hands began to noticeably shake, appearing much worse than previously. I had sighted this movement on more than one occasion but had forgotten the abnormality the moment something new drew my attention. There is always so much going on in my life, I do not waste time thinking about myself and every little twinge or ache that I might experience. After all, I am no longer a young princess! But now my husband had put a big worry in my mind and had given me cause for concern. As I concentrated on my tremor, somehow it made matters worse, more pronounced.
‘Why, Kareem? Why did you choose to say this to me on this day?’
Kareem squirmed again.
‘Stop that squirming!’ I ordered in a sharp tone.
‘I am not squirming.’
‘Yes, you are squirming, and you squirm like a child each time you are in an unpleasant conversation.’
My husband laughed. ‘Sultana, you are shaking, and I am squirming. We are a perfect older couple, darling.’
I snarled, preparing to snap.
‘OK, darling, perhaps we both need some medical tests,’ Kareem said, with a tight smile.
Rather than do battle, I smiled too. Over the years mine has become a less volatile personality, which is a good thing for my husband.
Then, after a very lengthy pause, he confessed his apprehension. ‘All right. I will tell you. Last evening I was worried, as I assumed Maha was revealing many gruesome details about those poor girls she has helped to save. I, too, was disturbed by those stories. I knew that you would suffer more than most. After you retired, I came to your room to see for myself how you were reacting. You were in a sort of fog, not fully asleep, not fully awake. You did not acknowledge me, so I sat beside you for a time.
‘My darling, your hands were trembling, shaking badly, even when you were at rest. That is when I knew that we must go for medical tests. That is when I began to connect emotional traumas with your shaking.’
‘What do you think it might be?’ I asked, a tinge of fear recognizable in my tone of voice. As a human being, nothing is more unsettling than believing one might be facing a serious illness and possibly premature death. I know only too well that even those with great wealth are helpless when faced with incurable disease. Although I could not fathom the idea of Kareem confronting old age without me, for we are a couple who have unspoken emotions, yet we each depend upon and need the other. Truthfully, I was most distressed at the possibility of leaving my children and grandchildren without their mother and grandmother.
He shrugged. ‘It is probably nothing to worry over, Sultana. You seem well otherwise. You are not in pain. You are not losing weight. I believe we will find a good explanation for this trembling problem.’
I gazed at my husband with true affection. After years of marriage and three children, we had mastered many problems and our bond had grown stronger. My love for him has never diminished and yet, at that moment, I felt vulnerable and alone. Generally, I face all of life with a feeling of power and strength – willing to take on difficult matters with resolve and commitment – but something felt different on this occasion. We were both weary and agreed to retire to rest so we could face our problems with renewed energy.
We are a couple who generally enjoys the other’s company very much – until we sleep. After a few years of married