Uncontrollable Bachelor (Bachelor Tower Series), стр. 44
There was so much damage done in our relationship after the first break up. I can’t even believe Shannon loved me enough to let me into her life and heart a second time. Although the circumstances were totally different, the result was the same. I hurt her
Is that all I’m capable of doing? Ralph said I wasn’t good enough for her. I always thought he meant money. Most likely, that assumption came from my not having any. That wasn’t the case now, and yet I hurt her anyway.
They say you hurt the ones you love most. That’s a fucked up statement, but by my track record, it’s accurate. I never loved anyone except for Shannon. I wanted to give her everything, still do, but it’s like the more I try to hold onto her, the more I seem to fuck up.
Being here has shown me a lot about myself. I never had a family growing up, and even though I wanted to ask Shannon to marry me, I didn’t have a clue how to be a good husband and father. Even now, I surround myself with people who are single. If a friend ever talks about a woman and feelings, we tell them to pull their head out of their ass and get focused on what is important: Money and success.
It worked for me. I was happy and living the dream. So many people I knew envied me for all I have achieved. What they didn’t ever see is what I lost to get here. The price was high, and it wasn’t just me who paid it.
When I left the first time, I hated Ralph and blamed him for Shannon being in pain. But she never knew what he’d said to me, she only knew what I’d done. Her pain came from my actions. The weight of that guilt is mine to bear. But this second time wasn’t the same. I needed to explain to her what really happened. Ralph might want to believe I brought Shannon here for her safety, but that wasn’t the case. I wanted to spend time with her. Do things like we had when we were younger. I knew we couldn’t go back in time, but mistakenly I thought we could build something new.
That was a foolish fantasy. You don’t build something without laying the foundation first. That’s like me thinking I could be a billionaire without doing the work to make it happen. The problem is still the same. I don’t know what it takes for me to be…good enough for Shannon. All I know is how to make money, and that isn’t something important to her.
Packing my bags, getting ready to head back to Boston, I can’t help but take one last look around the cabin. Even this place. I built the cabin with only what I needed to stay here. It was lacking a lot of things. I made a mental note of all the complaints Shannon had about the place. Next time I come, it’s going to be different. Better.
I wasn’t thinking about just the cabin any longer. I needed to make some serious changes in my life. My priorities are all fucked up. What I thought was happiness, really was just sexual gratification and scoring the next big deal. There wasn’t anything real. Never has been, except with Shannon.
I want real again. Fuck, I need it again.
When I get back to Boston, I’m going to find a way to win her back. Not that I deserve it, but I can’t picture living the rest of my life without her. Getting her to believe that wouldn’t be easy. My track record so far was shitty. Proving I’ve changed is going to take more than words. And I need to be able to show her, and myself, that I’m not the same man.
I tossed my bag into the truck and headed down the mountain. As I came around the last bend before the main road, my cell phone rang. There was no need to look at it. I was still technically on vacation. They could leave a voice mail, and I’d deal with whatever issue there was when I returned to the office. This working 24/7 was something else that needed to stop.
The phone continued to ring. I grabbed it off the console and tossed it to the back to take away the temptation to answer. Breaking habits didn’t happen overnight or a few days of seclusion in a cabin. I was going to be work in progress. In the past, with work and dedication, I’ve always gotten what I wanted. I need that same focus and commitment to change and become the man Shannon deserves.
A few hours later and I’m back in the city. My body is riddled with frustration, and I haven’t even gone into the office. Usually, I can’t wait to sit behind that desk. Right now, all I wanted to do was see Shannon.
I reach in the back and grab my cell. Ten calls from Betsy, which unfortunately was normal. But one number came up that I didn’t expect to see. What do you want now, Ralph?
The last time we spoke, our conversation didn’t end in a good place. I’m not sure how many more meetings like that I’d be able to handle before blowing my top. Losing my control with Ralph would be losing Shannon forever, if I haven’t already done that.
Reluctantly I returned his call. “Hello, Ralph. I guess you’ve heard the news about Prince Babboo?”
“I have, and so did my daughter. I wish it could’ve been handled differently,” he said.
Handled differently? He thinks Babboo was murder. Fuck! It explained the call. He thinks I’m responsible. Shocking even to me, but I’m not.
“Not sure what you’re implying, but from what I heard, he was on a plane that crashed.” Keeping it