Pride and Prejudice and Kitties, стр. 27
“But we are hoping to hear any day that they are safe at Gretna Green,” she said. Jane then produced a letter Lydia had left for Mrs. Forster when she ran away with Wickham.
Mrs. Bennet, meanwhile, was in a dreadful state. Her fur was matted and her “mews” pitiful and profuse. “If only Mr. Bennet had taken us all to Brighton, this would not have happened!” she cried. “Why did the Forsters ever let her out of their sight? I’m sure there was some great neglect on their side, for she is not the kind of cat to run away. And now,” she continued, “Mr. Bennet is gone away and I know he and Wickham will fight and Wickham will kill him! Then what is to happen to us all? The Collinses will turn us out and we will be left on our own to hunt mice in the hedgerows!”
Mr. Gardiner encouraged Mrs. Bennet to calm herself and assured her he would be in town the next day to assist Mr. Bennet in recovering Lydia.
“Oh, my dear brother,” replied Mrs. Bennet, “that is exactly what I could most wish for, and above all, keep Mr. Bennet from fighting with Wickham!”
Mr. Bennet will fight and Wickham will kill him!
“MY DEAR HARRIET,
“You will laugh when you know where I am gone, and I cannot help laughing myself at your surprise to-morrow morning, as soon as I am missed. I am going to Gretna Green, and if you cannot guess with who, I shall think you a simpleton, for there is but one man in the world I love, and he is an angel. I should never be happy without him, so think it no harm to be off. You need not send them word at Longbourn of my going, if you do not like it, for it will make the surprise the greater, when I write to them, and sign my name Lydia Wickham. What a good joke it will be! I can hardly write for laughing.
Pray make my excuses to Pratt, for not keeping my engagement, and dancing with him to-night. Tell him I hope he will excuse me when he knows all, and tell him I will dance with him at the next ball we meet, with great pleasure. I shall send for my clothes when I get to Longbourn; but I wish you would tell Sally to mend a great slit in my worked muslin gown, before they are packed up. Good bye. Give my love to Colonel Forster, I hope you will drink to our good journey.
“Your affectionate friend,
“LYDIA BENNET.”
MR. GARDINER SET off almost immediately for London in search of Lydia. He promised Mrs. Bennet to leave no rat uncornered (including Wickham himself) in his search for her, and to send Mr. Bennet home directly. The Bennet sisters were surprised that their mother did not appear gratified by this news, considering her anxiety about Mr. Bennet losing every one of his nine lives fighting with Wickham.
“What, is he coming home, and without poor Lydia?” cried Mrs. Bennet. “Who is to fight Wickham and make him marry her if he comes away?”
Mrs. Bennet could get no rest thinking of Wickham’s wicked deeds.
In the meantime, all of Meryton was bent on blackening Wick-ham’s character when, but a few months before, he had been the handsomest animal ever to grace the militia. Yet now there was nothing of an evil nature he was not guilty of. Poor Mrs. Bennet could get no rest thinking of Wickham’s wicked deeds—brawls, nightly assignations with all the female cats in the county, even chicken killings. Everyone began to find out that they had never trusted his appearance of goodness. Wickham and Lydia, it was concluded, were well concealed in London, for neither Uncle Gardiner nor Mr. Bennet had succeeded in discovering them.
While Mr. Bennet was in London, the Bennets received a letter from their cousin, Mr. Collins, consoling them on the irremediable calamity that had befallen their family. This letter was followed by another from Mr. Gardiner who wrote to tell them that Mr. Bennet would be home the following day.
When Mr. Bennet did return to Longbourn, he had all the appearance of his usual philosophic composure.
“If I should ever go to Brighton, I would behave better than Lydia,” announced Kitty, when they were having tea afterwards.
“You, go to Brighton?!” exclaimed Mr. Bennet. “I would not trust you so near it as Eastbourne for a hind quarter of pork! No, Kitty, I have at last learnt to be cautious and you will feel the effects of it. No cat in the militia is ever to enter into my house again, nor even to pass through the village. Balls will be absolutely prohibited, unless you roll them with one of your sisters. And you are never to stir out of doors till you can prove that you have spent ten minutes of every day in a rational manner.”
Kitty, who took all these threats in a serious light, mewed long and plaintively.
“Well, well,” said he, “do not make yourself unhappy. If you are a good kitten for the next ten years, I will take you to a review at the end of them.”
Mr. Bennet had all the appearance of his usual philosophic composure.
“MY DEAR SIR,
“I feel myself called upon, by our relationship, and my situation in life, to condole with you on the grievous affliction you are now suffering under, of which we were yesterday informed by a letter from Hertfordshire. Be assured, my dear Sir, that Mrs. Collins and myself sincerely sympathise with you, and all your respectable family, in your present distress, which must be of the bitterest kind, because