Pride and Prejudice and Kitties, стр. 16

door, and the carriage stopped at the small gate, which led by a short gravel walk to the house, amidst the nods and smiles of the whole party. In a moment they were all out of the chaise, rejoicing at the sight of each other. Mrs. Collins welcomed her friend with the liveliest pleasure, and Elizabeth was more and more satisfied with coming, when she found herself so affectionately received. She saw instantly that her cousin’s manners were not altered by his marriage; his formal civility was just what it had been, and he detained her some minutes at the gate to hear and satisfy his enquiries after all her family. They were then, with no other delay than his pointing out the neatness of the entrance, taken into the house; and as soon as they were in the parlour, he welcomed them a second time with ostentatious formality to his humble abode, and punctually repeated all his wife’s offers of refreshment.

He welcomed them to his humble abode.

MR. COLLINS WAS in a state of protracted ecstasy at the thought of displaying Lady Cat’s grand house to Elizabeth and the others, as well as his patroness’s expensive furniture (her new ottoman was especially well-suited for sharpening his claws on) and superlative dishes. Elizabeth was instructed to anticipate wet food truly deserving of the name “Fancy Feast.”

Sir William and Maria were nearly overpowered by so much grandeur. When the group arrived at Rosings, Sir William said nothing, but Maria immediately scooted under a sofa so that only her tail and hind paws were visible.

Lady Cat was extraordinarily fond of hearing herself meow.

Elizabeth, however, found herself quite composed in the presence of the grand lady, her daughter, and their richly-furnished house.

Lady Cat was extraordinarily fond of hearing herself meow, and interrogated Elizabeth as to all the particulars of her family and upbringing.

“Your father’s estate is entailed on Mr. Collins, I think,” she observed.

Mr. Collins opened his mouth to chirp his apologies, but his tail, which waved ostentatiously, told another story. Charlotte, however, with great presence of mind, sat on it.

Lady Cat seemed quite taken aback when Elizabeth declined to give her a direct answer as to her age.

“At least,” said that fine lady, “you need not be ashamed to give your age in human years.”

“Ah, but Ma’am,” replied Elizabeth, “surely you would then divide the number by seven and have your answer.”

Lady Cat regarded Elizabeth through narrowed eyes before turning the subject to her great condescension in finding a home for three young cats of her acquaintance. Long did she dwell on her great good deeds and general wonderfulness before ordering her carriage (one of several, as Mr. Collins reminded Elizabeth) to take the Hunsford party home. Maria was still under the chair when the carriage arrived and had to be dragged out by her tail. She protested by mewing loudly—the first sound she had made since entering Rosings.

When the ladies returned to the drawing room, there was little to be done but to hear Lady Catherine talk, which she did without any intermission till coffee came in, delivering her opinion on every subject in so decisive a manner as proved that she was not used to have her judgement controverted. She enquired into Charlotte’s domestic concerns familiarly and minutely, and gave her a great deal of advice, as to the management of them all; told her how every thing ought to be regulated in so small a family as her’s, and instructed her as to the care of her cows and her poultry. Elizabeth found that nothing was beneath this great Lady’s attention, which could furnish her with an occasion of dictating to others. In the intervals of her discourse with Mrs. Collins, she addressed a variety of questions to Maria and Elizabeth, but especially to the latter, of whose connections she knew the least, and who she observed to Mrs. Collins, was a very genteel, pretty kind of girl. She asked her at different times, how many sisters she had, whether they were older or younger than herself, whether any of them were likely to be married, whether they were handsome, where they had been educated, what carriage her father kept, and what had been her mother’s maiden name?—Elizabeth felt all the impertinence of her questions, but answered them very composedly.

ALTHOUGH ELIZABETH MARVELED that Charlotte could tolerate the irksome society of Mr. Collins, she soon discovered that he spent the chief of every morning hunting in his garden. His afternoons were spent sprawled on his desk dozing or gazing out of his window in hopes of glimpsing Miss de Bourgh’s phaeton. To her credit and sense, Mrs. Collins encouraged her husband in all these activities. Thus, Charlotte spent many hours in contented solitude.

Mr. Collins and Charlotte ambled to Rosings almost every afternoon and were occasionally favored by a visit from Lady Cat herself. This great lady pried into every aspect of Charlotte’s domestic arrangements. She poked into every corner, sharpened her claws on the furniture, meowed for refreshment, and then sniffed suspiciously and walked away with her ears back when it was served.

As Easter approached, Mr. Darcy and his cousin, Colonel Fitz-william, were expected at Rosings. Elizabeth looked forward to observing Mr. Darcy’s behavior towards the sickly Miss de Bourgh, for whom he was destined and who had been throwing up hair-balls all week. If, as Lady Cat remarked, it hadn’t been for the hair-balls, her daughter would have been a picture of feline loveliness and health.

On the day Mr. Darcy and his cousin were to arrive, Mr. Collins paced eagerly back and forth in the lane within view of Rosings. As soon as he spotted the carriage, he ran home to proclaim the great news of the arrival of these two esteemed cats.

This great lady pried into every aspect of Charlotte’s domestic arrangements.

That very afternoon, Mr. Darcy and