Pride and Prejudice and Kitties, стр. 14
Mr. Bennet treated the matter differently. “So, Lizzy,” said he one day, “your sister is crossed in love I find. I congratulate her. Next to being married, a girl likes to be crossed in love a little now and then. It is something to think of, and gives her a sort of distinction among her companions. When is your turn to come? You will hardly bear to be long outdone by Jane. Now is your time. Here are officers enough in Meryton to disappoint all the young ladies in the country. Let Wickham be your man. He is a pleasant fellow, and would jilt you creditably.”
“Thank you, Sir, but a less agreeable man would satisfy me. We must not all expect Jane’s good fortune.”
“True,” said Mr. Bennet, “but it is a comfort to think that whatever of that kind may befal you, you have an affectionate mother who will always make the most of it.”
WHILE ALL THIS was going on at Longbourn, Mr. Collins was preparing to receive his bride at Hunsford, and he couldn’t help peering through the opening in the trees that allowed him a glimpse of Rosings in ecstatic anticipation of sharing the view with his dear Charlotte.
At Christmas, Mrs. Bennet’s brother, a sensible and well-mannered cat whose cranium was considerably larger than his sister’s, came to visit with his wife, Mrs. Gardiner, a particular favorite with Jane and Elizabeth. Caroline Bingley and her sister would not have believed that Mr. Gardiner, who lived within view of a warehouse (where he had great sport in catching rats), could be so amiable and respectable.
The sight of the visitors elicited fresh wails of ill-usage from Mrs. Bennet who, all during their visit, never relaxed her protestations on the general perverseness of life. Two daughters on the brink of marriage—and it had all come to nothing!
During their stay, Lizzy discussed with Aunt Gardiner Jane’s recent disappointment over Bingley.
“It had better have happened to you, Lizzy; you would have frisked and frolicked yourself out of it sooner. But do you think she would be prevailed upon to go back to town with us? A change of scene and relief from your mother’s plaintive meows might be of service.”
You, Elizabeth, would have frisked and frolicked yourself out of it sooner.
Jane readily agreed to the plan.
The Gardiners stayed a week at Longbourn and what with the noise and confusion of neighboring cats coming and going, they never got the comfort of a quiet bowl of crunchies by themselves.
Mrs. Bennet had so carefully provided for the entertainment of her brother and sister, that they did not once sit down to a family dinner. When the engagement was for home, some of the officers always made part of it, of which officers Mr. Wickham was sure to be one; and on these occasions, Mrs. Gardiner, rendered suspicious by Elizabeth’s warm commendation of him, narrowly observed them both. Without supposing them, from what she saw, to be very seriously in love, their preference of each other was plain enough to make her a little uneasy; and she resolved to speak to Elizabeth on the subject before she left Hertfordshire, and represent to her the imprudence of encouraging such an attachment.
MRS. GARDINER TOOK the opportunity of a private conference with Elizabeth to warn her to be on her guard with the handsome Mr. Wickham, whose relative poverty (thanks a lot, Mr. Darcy!) rendered him an unsuitable match for her niece.
Elizabeth bantered with her aunt, reminding her that the want of a comfortable, secure home never prevented two kitties from entering into the marriage state, especially when the moon was full.
Mr. Collins and Charlotte’s wedding day approached. Charlotte paid a farewell visit to Longbourn during which Mrs. Bennet favored her with sour looks and ill-natured growls. Elizabeth felt ashamed of her mother’s bad breeding and spectacular stupidity in refusing to understand the intractable nature of an entail. Charlotte, however, appeared not to notice; she was simply pleased with Elizabeth’s promise to visit Hunsford in March.
Meanwhile, in London, Jane waited in vain for a visit from Caroline Bingley. Every morning began with Jane putting out a fresh sardine in anticipation of seeing her friend, and every evening ended with her making a fresh excuse for Caroline’s continued absence. Finally, both sardines and excuses grew stale, and after a brief, chilly visit from Miss Bingley, Jane sadly confessed to Elizabeth that she had been deceived in Caroline’s character—catty she was, and catty she had long been and, Jane feared, duplicitous too.
Back at Longbourn, Wickham withdrew his attentions from Elizabeth to bestow them on a young feline who had recently inherited a sizable estate from her silly humans (who had left all of their possessions to their cat rather than their children). However, Elizabeth could not censure Wickham for his attentions to Miss King, as she understood that sleek, handsome toms must eat as well as those with tattered ears and mournful meows.
“My dearest Lizzy will, I am sure, be incapable of triumphing in her better judgement, at my expense, when I confess myself to have been entirely deceived in Miss Bingley’s regard for me. But, my dear sister, though the event has proved you right, do not think me obstinate if I still assert, that, considering what her behaviour was, my confidence was as natural as your suspicion. I do not at all comprehend her reason for wishing to be intimate with me, but if the same circumstances