Pull You In (Rivers Brothers Book 3), стр. 37

It should have been better that he was nowhere around, that I didn't have to see him, hear his voice.

It wasn't, though.

And I felt like each day was getting worse and worse.

My therapist was on the case, trying to help me work through it, move on from it.

It should have been helping.

But I didn't want to move on from it.

That was the kicker, I guess.

I wanted him in my life.

Even though I knew I couldn't have him.

My heart swelled in my chest as my phone rang on the coffee table while I tried to read the same page for the fourth time. It wasn't my mom. I'd already talked to her. She was going out with one of her work friends. She wouldn't be calling again.

I'd blocked my ex.

My bills were paid.

So, of course, my mind went to ridiculous places.

Like maybe Rush was calling.

Like he'd shown up to check on me when I hadn't been to work.

But, I reminded myself, that was before The Incident.

It wasn't him calling.

Of course, it wasn't.

But the person it was seemed almost as unlikely.

"Fee, is everything alright at work?" I asked, my mind already racing over everything I'd done for the day, week, month, trying to figure out what could have possibly gone wrong, what I could have messed up.

"What? Oh, yeah. Work is fine. I think. I mean, you're not using the stock room to, like, cook meth or something are you? 'Cause then we might have a problem. Especially because you wouldn't think of including ya girl in on those shared profits."

"I think you need more space than the stock room has to cook meth," I told her, getting a laugh out of her.

"Yeah, no, I was just calling to chat."

"To chat? With me?"

"I'm bored. My man is helping one of his many brothers build something or another or grunt over a car engine. Who the hell knows. They're doing manly things. And my kids all have lives. Like, who do they think they are, right? So I am sitting here all alone and bored. So I wanted someone to talk to."

"But, don't you have, like, a huge family?"

"They all have like a bajillion kids. And businesses. And I already know all their stories."

"I, uhm, I don't really have any stories," I insisted.

"Oh, you have stories. Everyone has stories."

"I kind of, you know, don't. I live a really quiet life."

"Well, what about that asshole ex of yours?"

"How do you know he's an asshole? Fee?" I asked when her silence stretched long enough to be suspicious.

"Alright. Look. It isn't a big deal."

"The fact that you have to preface it like that says it probably is a big deal. What did he do?"

"He came in once looking for you. You had run to grab more milk. And he was a little inappropriate."

"A little inappropriate how?" I asked, stomach rolling, realizing there was another embarrassment in my life that I had been blithely unaware of, hadn't gotten a chance to stress over for weeks or months.

"He just has a big mouth, Kate. He said some things. And then I said some things back because, well, you know me, I don't play that shit. And then he left."

"He said some things like...about me?" I asked, feeling nauseated that maybe he'd told them what he had thrown in my face about being cold in bed, maybe he'd quipped about how it was ironic that I worked in a sex business when I sucked at sex or something like that.

"He said some things about me," she corrected.

"He hit on you?"

"It's not a big deal."

"It is a big deal. I'm so sorry."

"Ah, yeah, you're not the one who did it, so you don't need to apologize. But, yeah, that was how I knew he was an asshole. I did a little jig inside when you divorced him. You can do better."

"I don't know about that," I admitted. I wasn't someone who talked about personal things easily with others, but something about Fiona's Kool-Aid-Man approach of bursting into my life was making me feel like she genuinely wanted to be there, that she did want to have a chat with me. "I, ah, I have never been good with the whole dating thing."

"Well, yeah, because the whole dating thing blows. I was never good at the whole dating thing either. If Hunter hadn't moved next door to me and taken an interest, I would likely still be single and living in the city selling my dirty panties. I had no patience for dating. It is designed to be awkward."

"Add on my social awkwardness and—"

"You're not that awkward, Kate," Fee cut me off. "I mean, really. You're not. I think you think it is worse than it is. And I get that it's your anxiety that does that, but I just figured I would let you know that it's not like you're some freak. You smile and make small talk and you are friendly to people who happen in the door. I get that it might not be easy to you, come natural to you, but you're not a freaky loner who can't string a couple words or sentences together."

"Work is one of my comfort places."

"I bet if we went out for drinks, you would be nice to the server. I bet you could make small talk with her if she started it. I'm not downplaying your anxiety and you know, for lack of a better term, issues. But they are not as obvious as I imagine you worry they are. Just throwing that out there to mull over. But, yeah, you could date. But dating sucks. And, besides, there are better ways."

"Better ways like how?"

"Like stopping being so stubborn, and talking things out with Rush."

"Nothing is going to happen between Rush and me, Fee," I insisted.

"Well, why not?" she asked.

"Because, I don't know, it's just not."

"Give me facts and figures to mull over."

"Fact," I started, taking a deep breath. "He is one