Shopping for a CEO's Baby (Shopping for a Billionaire Series Book 16), стр. 39
“What does that mean?”
“Let's just say I'm really glad that in the student clinic, I only did one shift and they had liability insurance. There's a woman in Melrose who I still light a candle for at Mass.”
“What did you do to her?”
Before she can reply, my phone rings. Hope gives me a look that reminds me of being hushed by my preschool teacher.
Pressing one ear shut, I put the phone up to the other one and whisper, “Andrew! What are you doing?”
“I finally got my phone working. I'm sorry. It's been malfunction after malfunction.”
As I peer into the phone, I realize he's wearing headphones. And shouting.
“Where are you?”
“On my way!”
Hope starts waving her arms for me to simultaneously pay attention to her and be quiet.
“Shhh! Hope's teaching us today's lesson.” As I speak with him, the instructor hands something to Gina.
Whose mouth drops into an O of shock.
I peer over my belly. “Is that a..?”
Gina moves it so I get a better look.
“I'm Facetiming you,” Andrew says into the phone. “Let me see. I can't be there, but I can be there,” he emphasizes.
“I'm not sure you want to see this.”
“Of course I do. If I can't be there, I can watch.”
That sounds porny, but I don't say that because another look from Hope like the one she shot me a moment ago and I'll burst into tears.
Gina's eyebrows go up and she moves the item in her hand within view of the screen as she waves half-heartedly at Andrew.
His brow drops in confusion, then shoots up. “Is that a–”
“Sex toy?” Gina asks.
“Labia,” Hope says loudly. “We're looking at a silicone replica of the labia, vulva, vagina, and perineum.”
“Where's the clitoris?” one of the women across the room jokes.
“That's what he said,” someone else calls out, making everyone fall into middle-school giggles.
“Andrew,” I hiss into my phone, staring at his übercalm face. I know that face. It's the expression he gets when he knows he's done something wrong but he's going to Mr. Cool his way out of it. He has a presence, a kind of command that takes over in moments like this.
It pisses me off to no end.
Because it implies I'm being unreasonable, and I am anything but.
“Yes?”
“If you don't get here in the next twenty minutes, I'll have to let Gina massage my fake perineum, and there are some lines your executive assistant should never cross.”
“I'm, like, getting the platinum health insurance plan for bronze prices?” Gina says, grabbing the phone from me. “And if I'm touching that silicone replica thing, I get a better parking place than the one on the third floor?”
“Have facilities see what they can do about the parking,” Andrew says.
“You said that last time? And I got a spot by the elevator but it's next to the dumpster?”
Hope clears her throat pointedly. “We're about to begin the massage.” She looks at my phone. I turn it around so she can see Andrew's face.
“Hey, Hope,” he says from the screen. “I'm on my way, but stuck in some bad weather here in New York.” A deep, sexy chuckle emerges. “Can you do me a favor and let me Facetime in for this session? I want to support Amanda in every possible way, and your classes have been top notch.”
Her hands fly to her heart, mouth pressing into the universal expression of a woman whose heart has been touched by a flattering schmuck who is trying to get his way.
“You are so sweet, Andrew. Of course, we can let you Facetime!” Hope looks around at all the couples. “Anyone mind? Amanda's husband is Andrew McCormick, a member of the board of directors for this hospital, and he's caught in New York in bad weather. Amanda's got twins in there, and at thirty weeks, no less. He needs the up-close experience with her perineum!”
“It's been so long, I'll need a map,” Andrew mutters.
“HEY!”
“YAY! I'm so glad you said YAY!” Hope says to me as everyone else in class nods to give Andrew permission to be here virtually.
“Platinum for bronze,” Gina hisses at Andrew, who gives her a wink.
“You are such a piece of work,” I say to him quietly. “I can't believe you flirted with our childbirth instructor like that!”
Genuine astonishment fills his face. “That wasn't flirting. You know what flirting looks like from me.”
“I do. It's a bulldozer filled with testosterone.”
“Exactly.”
“Ewwwww?” Gina huffs. “I want platinum health with free massages and no deductibles?”
“The perineum,” Hope announces, “is here. Colloquially referred to as the taint, because it ain't this and it ain't that (she pauses for obligatory laughter), the perineum is a thick muscle that does a huge amount of work in the final stages of labor. The baby's head stretches it, thinning it out. Most women consider it to be the most painful muscle of all when it stretches–sorry, moms–but it's one that partners can help with.”
Hope holds up her replica and uses two fingers to press and slide along the lower rim of the vulva.
“Gina,” Andrew whispers. I hand her the phone.
“Yes?”
“Take notes.”
“Excuse me?”
“Take notes for me. Add them to my daily audio summary.”
“You expect me to take notes while standing in for you at your wife's childbirth class, and make sure they're put into your audio software so you can listen to this tomorrow on your morning commute?”
“Of course.”
“THE TAINT?” she says loudly, making Andrew go back to Mr. Cool Face.
“Just do it.”
“You need a reminder about THE TAINT? Shall I write up an executive one-pager for you?”
He smiles, as if now she understands. “Exactly.”
“Up here, on the table, we have a bowl of olive oil. Partners, dip your index and middle fingers–”
“Andrew?” Gina asks sweetly.
“Yes?”
“Does she mean this finger?” She flips him the bird.
Mr. Cool Face becomes Mr. Sour Puss.
“Fine. Platinum plan, no deductibles, better parking spot, and no audio summary.”
I turn to her. “You can go home.”
“I can? I–I didn’t mean to be unsupportive to you, Amanda?”
“Oh, pffft. I know that. It's just–you negotiated well. Got what you