Risky Rockstar: A Hero Club Novel, стр. 80

I keep a lot of spare stuff at Claire’s.”

The pain in his eyes is back, but it looks much deeper and more violent than before.

“You don’t have your own place in South Africa?”

He shakes his head. “No, I liked the idea of having an excuse to stay with Claire.”

I nod. I get it. “I have a spare toothbrush for you at least.”

He offers a small smile of thanks before laying his head in his hands. I squeeze his shoulder, hating to leave him alone for even a little while, but I have to pack.

Kevin is true to his word. Savannah arrives ten minutes later, and after quick introductions, we rush to load my suitcases and get to the airport. While I’m in the car, I realize I haven’t returned anyone’s calls. I shoot a text to Sam telling her that I’m heading out of town for a few days and I’ll catch up with her later. Then I slip my phone into my bag, feeling much lighter. I’ll catch up with both Bridget and Amy when I’m in South Africa and feeling stronger.

Chapter 42

Hayley

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, Hayles. I don’t know what to say. What are you going to do now?” I look up from my screen, where Bridget’s face is filled with concern, to the willow tree on the bank of the river here at Nokuthula Lodge, its long wispy branches sweeping the ground like hundreds of arms outstretched in a welcoming embrace. I’ve always found willow trees comforting. My parents had one in their backyard, and when I was a child and feeling sad, I’d sit against the trunk and pretend the branches were an invisible fortress protecting me from all the pain in the world.

If only that were true. The relentless pain that seems to be my constant companion since I arrived at the lodge—a twenty-minute drive from Johannesburg—three days ago shows no signs of letting up. I know time heals all wounds, but somehow I don’t think I’ll ever fully heal from losing Kade.

I’ve just updated Bridget on what’s been going on in my life since the last time we spoke. I didn’t go into detail on what happened on Kade’s birthday. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to talk about it—the humiliation is still too raw—but I did tell her about Benji’s blackmail and the breakup after the interview.

She looks back at me through the screen, the pain on her face mirroring my own.

I wish more than anything she could be here so we could share some wine and I could ugly cry, but she’s got her hands full at the moment. Even if she hadn’t recently given birth to her baby girls, coming to South Africa was supposed to be about being there for Kevin. Not that I need to be here for him anymore; he and Claire made up at the hospital, and I couldn’t be more thrilled. Claire offered me a place to stay, but I declined. I don’t want to be a third wheel while they try to get their relationship back on track. Even though Claire is still recovering from giving birth to her nephew, Thomas, Kevin felt bad about what he said was “abandoning me.” But I’ve never seen my friend so at peace, and knowing he is finally happy has dulled some of my own pain.

I might never get Kade back, but maybe someday I’ll be happy again. Even if it’s far in the future.

I dangle my feet in the private rim-flow plunge pool on the viewing deck of the cabin off the master bedroom. It’s so beautiful and peaceful here at this lodge, and yet I’m struggling with the nervous energy whirling in me. I blink back the tears as I look at the screen of my phone. Bridget is cradling both Eleanor and Elizabeth as she tandem feeds. I don’t know how she does it, but she’s a freaking superhero. She smiles down at her suckling babies, little fists kneading at her breasts, and looks back to me expectantly.

“So? What are you going to do?” she repeats.

I think of the text Sam sent me earlier. It had taken her only two days to get me the information I asked for the day after I arrived in South Africa, and I guess I’d been hoping for a few more days to build up some courage. But this was just one step toward getting my life back. And the sooner I got it over with, the better. I don’t know how she did it, but that’s a question that will have to wait until later.

“I guess I’m going to call Emily and ask her if Benji’s telling the truth.” I wasn’t exactly sure how to broach the subject with Kade’s ex, but I couldn’t talk to him about it and she was the only other person who could corroborate Benji’s story.

“Are you sure you want to know? It was a long time ago, and bringing up the past can be painful.” A dark cloud briefly flits over her face, and I know she’s thinking about when Simon told her that her late husband, Ben, cheated on her.

“It’s time I face reality, Bridge, no matter how painful. I’ve been running away from the painful stuff for way too long. I need to put my big-girl panties on and face things head-on. I didn’t listen to you and I lost Kade, and no matter what I find out, at least I’ll know if I did the right thing. I need to start being true to myself.” I think about that as the water laps at my legs. It’s about ninety-five degrees out and my tank is soaked in sweat, so the cold water offers a lovely respite from the heat. Not only have I gained a ton of clarity from being in South Africa, I’m also getting a mean tan.

I take another sip of my wine. There’s no use prolonging this. I stare at my