Risky Rockstar: A Hero Club Novel, стр. 42
“I can’t be that guy for her. I can’t bring this into her life. Look what they’ve done to her in a week. Someone tried to film us…” He breaks off and looks at me, and if I never have to see pain in someone’s eyes the way it’s reflected in his right now it will be too soon. My heart is tearing for him.
He looks away and pushes his thumbs into his eyes. “I won’t do this to her. I can’t. I can’t love her.”
I wrap my arms around Kevin and hold him. He doesn’t break down; he locks up. Every single emotion in him shuts down, and it’s heartbreaking to watch. I feel like I need to do something. Anything. “Have you told her this?
“There’s no point. She’ll say it’s okay. She’ll push through like she always does until it takes who she is away from me.” We sit in silence, and then he says, “She left last night.”
“Did you see her off?”
He shakes his head. “She asked me not to.”
I rub what I hope is a soothing hand along his back. “She just needs space, that’s all. Once she gets home and away from all the crazy, you can talk to her and get everything back on track.” I hope with everything that I have the words I’m saying to Kevin are true. I hope with the distance she’ll gain perspective, but I worry that the opposite will happen. I haven’t known Kevin for very long, but in the short time he’s been in my life, I’ve grown to love him dearly.
He shifts and stands up, jamming his fists into his crumpled jeans. “I’m sorry about last night. I’m going to head out.”
“Have breakfast with me first?” I know he wants to be alone, but I worry he’ll drink again or he won’t get anything to eat. I don’t like the vacant look he has in his eyes right now. “Just a quick one. It will make me feel better if I know you have something in your stomach. Please.”
Kevin looks like he’d rather do anything in the world than have breakfast right now, but he relents and I’m relieved. I whip up some omelets, figuring the rich meal will line his stomach. Kevin chugs the Advil with two glasses of water, a whole glass of orange juice, and two cups of coffee. At least he won’t dehydrate.
“Shit!”
“What?” I look at him.
“I just realized I left my car at the bar.”
“You were going to drive in the condition you were in?” I can’t help the surprise in my voice.
Kevin shakes his head. “I wasn’t planning on getting drunk. But I would’ve cabbed it anyway.”
I breathe out. “Boy, I’m glad you said that. You just saved yourself an epic lecture.”
He smiles and it’s sad, but it’s there.
I know this isn’t the right time, but I’ve spent the whole night thinking about how much damage this fake relationship has done, and I just can’t do it anymore.
“Kevin.”
He looks up. “Yeah?”
“We need to stop the fake relationship.”
Kevin looks at me and shakes his head. “This wasn’t only about Claire. I still want to be there for you.”
I shake my head. “No, Kev. It has to stop. These last few weeks have been wonderful. No one is hitting on me, and people have pretty much stopped talking about the baby and the Ethan mess. It’s been great. But look what this did to you. To Claire. This was supposed to be a good thing, and it destroyed everything.” I look down at my feet, no longer able to meet his eyes.
Kevin reaches for my hand. “None of this was your fault. I thought this relationship would keep the heat off Claire when all it did was throw her straight into the fire.”
My eyes meet his, and I squeeze his hand. “You thought you were doing the right thing. I’m so sorry, Kev.”
“You aren’t responsible for this.”
He looks so broken as he stares out my windows at the overcast sky. “What do you want to do now?”
I swallow hard. “I want to tell Kade about us. How do you feel about that?”
He leans back and traces the rim of the orange juice glass with his finger. “I think that would be a good idea.”
“And the fans? Would it be a problem for you if I told the fans?”
Kevin leans forward, sincerity shining in his eyes. “I think it’s the right thing to do.”
Despite knowing this is the right thing to do, nerves dance in my belly. “I’ll get Sam on it, then. She can tell us the best way to proceed.”
Kevin nods.
“Shall we give Claire some time to get back and settled? God knows she doesn’t need any more drama in her life.”
Kevin’s eyes fill with pain again, and I know he’s feeling guilt and regret. “That’ll be good.”
We eat our breakfast in silence, and I have a quick shower before taking Kevin to fetch his car. Rain is falling in gentle splatters as I stop next to his Audi in the parking lot of the bar. Dozens of people are milling around, undeterred by the weather, and I can only assume they are the patrons from the previous night, the ones that were taking pictures. Kevin gets out and opens his car. It’s brutal watching him duck from the photos, and as the lights flash, I know they are getting my blotchy face too. I want to yell at everyone to leave us the hell alone, but I know it won’t do any good.
Kevin slams his door shut and opens his window. He rests his arm on the window frame. Water droplets land on his arm, but he doesn’t seem to notice or care. “Are you going to be okay getting out of here?”
“I’ll be fine,” I assure him.
“You go first. I want to make sure it’s