Break my heart (Estate Series 1), стр. 41

questions as she blows the steam off her mug “Well, the first time I got a little scared. No panic attack but just nervous, I was shaking a little. But the two times we have had sex have been amazing” Better than amazing actually, I didn’t have any thoughts that it wasn’t Reid touching my body, he possesses it wholly “Do you think it’s a good idea to be intimate so soon after….” I choke, I can’t say it out loud “Rape?” she say so matter of factly “I think it will help you heal if its with someone you trust completely. You need to be able to say the word to start to move forwards, be proud that you can say it. You are a survivor of one of the most horrible things that could ever be done to someone, don’t be ashamed to admit what happened to you” she says with pride in her voice “Has this… Has this happened to you before?” I ask her, seeing her look away I feel really bed for asking “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to ask that” I say feeling really bad “My uncle abused me from the ages of 6-12. I spent a really long time believing if I told anyone he would kill me like he promised. When I turned 16 I slipped up when my mum told me he was coming to visit, she made me report it and put him away from a really long time. It’s how I got to become a councillor, girls like us need to support each other to put these monsters behind bars where they belong” she tells me “It helps others come forward when they see us not cower from these Dickhead rapist” she spits the last word. I never thought of how me speaking up would encourage others to do the same “Thank you for telling me” I say smiling to try and ease her tension “Hayley spoke to me the other day. She gave me permission to share this with you, but it has to be in the strictest confidence” I don’t want to betray her trust by people finding out what happened to her “Anything you say in our sessions stays between us” She says with a smile “The man who attacked me, Gary. He was one of the men who raped Hayley when she was 15. The police don’t think its connected, but it seems to close to home for me” he was the only one to make it out of prison. I’ve got a feeling that he knew who I was, and how I was connected to Hayley “It could be connected, I wont lie to you. All I can tell you is to be careful, until he’s been caught, we don’t know what he’s planning next” she says with a concerned expression. I’m glad she’s not lying to me, all I want if for someone to be straight with me, not keep the truth to save me from worry.

Chapter Seventeen

After Abi leaves, I have a bit more of an understanding about how I’m feeling and how to work through it, it makes me think that I can eventually be myself a bit more again. She gave me some new therapies to try and I feel a bit more positive about my future. After I make myself some lunch I sit down to watch friends reruns again, taking a bite of my chicken sandwich I start to feel a bit…off. Rushing to the bathroom I throw myself around the bowl as I heave up the contents of my stomach. What is a happening to me.. maybe the chicken was bad.

When I finally peel myself from the bowl I go up to Reid’s bathroom to brush my teeth and get this horrible taste from my mouth. Opening the medicine cupboard to get the paste I see the untouched box of tampons sitting there and my nausea returns. I sit on the toilet bowl trying to work out my last period but my mind is fuddled. Pulling out my phone I click on my tracking app to see the last one was two weeks before I was attacked, making me a week late… Oh god, This cant be happening. Pulling up my call button I ring my local doctors, I need to get checked out.

Arriving at the surgery, in 5 minutes early for my appointment. Luckily they had a spare one free just 15 minutes after I called, so I jumped in my car and raced over. Using the touch screen inside, I check myself in and wait. “Miss Becca Hughes” a burly nurse calls from the other side, pushing myself up from the chair I follow the lady to the room feeling numb. “Hello Becca, I’m Doctor Oshea. How can I help you today?” I halt in my tracks when I see the doctor is a man, I was in so much of a panic, I didn’t think to ask for a lady doctor. I look over to the nurse who smiles at me encouragingly before she shuts the door. Oh good, she’s staying. I blow out a nervous breath and take a seat on the other side of his desk “I’m late on my period and felt very sick earlier” I say in a shaky voice “Ok, I’m going to need you to provide a urine sample for me” he says passing me a cup, I stare at it like the devil itself is in it “Erm, just in case you haven’t read my history. I was raped around five weeks ago. My last period was two weeks before that” I finally said the word! Abi is rubbing off on me “Ok, we will take this a slow as you need. Whatever the outcome of the test, we have options okay?” he tells me with a sympathetic smile, nodding I take the cup and let the nurse show me where the bathroom is.

“I’m