Like a Fox on the Run, стр. 123

“It’s kinda funny sitting here … listening to you. I thought you left me because I would never be what you wanted. Since then, I’ve lived my life feeling like I never measured up, that I was second rate. That I would never be good enough for you.”

She laughed and rolled her eyes. “You? You thought you weren’t good enough for me?”

He didn’t find it as amusing. “What was I supposed to think? You went and married a man almost the exact opposite of me. College educated. Refined. Bought you a house in the right neighborhood.”

“Jesus, Tiger! You thought I did that because I wanted better?” She threw her hands up and looked skyward. “I married Chris not because he was better than you, but yes … you’re half right. I married him because he was the opposite of you. But not in the way you think.” She dabbed at her eyes now, watery and red. “You broke my heart when you chose a rocket ship over me. I wanted nothing to do with a damned spacer after that!”

For a minute or so, a heavy silence hung in the air, as both sat pondering their regrets and “what-might-have-beens.” He was the first one to break the silence, humble and wistful.

“I really dropped the ball didn’t I, Lu?”

She couldn’t help but laugh, but it was wrought with frustration. “You know I used to dream about it. Me and you settled down. Even after Chris and I had married, I would dream of you. How bad a wife was I? We lived out in the burbs somewhere with two kids … Madison … Fayetteville, maybe. In a subdivision with a white picket fence and a dog.”

“Sounds good so far.”

“Not really. It was always kinda corny. Like something outta those early twentieth century archive vids. The ones where the husbands worked and the wives stayed home and wore a dress and an apron all day. Y’know … just to clean and cook in.”

“Yeah, I can’t see you cleanin’ and cookin’ all day.” He wasn’t sure she even heard him, she was somewhere else now, lost in her memories.

“And I would walk you out every morning and kiss you goodbye. And you’d climb into your rocket parked in our driveway and blast off to your job.” She closed her eyes dreamily, wistfully. “And no matter where you went. No matter what you had to do … you were always home in time for supper.”

“Sounds wonderful.” He suddenly felt melancholy. He wanted to hold her, yet at the same time, he found himself unsure, hesitant.

She set her coffee down and stood, holding her hand out to him. It was an indication for him to take it and stand with her.

“What’s this?” he asked, somewhat puzzled.

“C’mon, Rocket Man. I want to show you something.”

“Yeah, but do I wanna see it?”

“Well, I dunno. I guess that’ll be up to you, won’t it?” She glanced up toward the sky, her brow raised playfully, trying to add a little mystery to it all. “I’ve always enjoyed seeing it.”

“Well, you’ve piqued my curiosity now.” Setting his cup down, he complied with no further resistance. Taking her hand, he stood up, but instead of letting go, he suddenly gripped it tight and pulled her to him. There was a flash of surprise in her eyes, before she realized what he was doing. A pleasant smile of comprehension quickly replaced it when his arms slipped around her waist.

“I been seeing plenty out here,” he growled hungrily as he felt the old, familiar feel of her breasts against him, like a favorite quilt on a cold winter night. “And it’s been driving me crazy.”

“Is that right?” She cocked her head alluringly. He had always loved that she was a tall girl. She was able to stand on her tiptoes and they could be face to face. She flanked his neck with her biceps, her forearms folding behind his neck. As he took in the smell of her hair, he almost swooned, he literally found himself dizzy. He closed his eyes, their lips touched, and he swore they went back in time, as lightning struck where they stood.

For a few seconds, the years fell away, and he was taken back to another place, far away. To a young couple in love. The world, the solar system, the universe … all theirs to conquer; their whole lives ahead of them. The sky truly was the limit. In that moment, he wished he could have stayed forever as all the memories rushed back in those few precious seconds. In that moment, that one special moment … he remembered it all. He held on with everything he had, eyes squeezed tightly shut, too afraid to open them.

Regrettably, they could not stay. Nobody can ever stay. The past is always a mirage; an illusion. It is never really the truth. We remember what we want to and twist it the way we want it to be. As a result, we can never fully grasp it. It is always fleeting. Reality would rush back cruelly, as she pulled away, reluctantly.

“C’mon. We need to do this before we’re missed.” When she turned toward the door, he stopped her.

“Wait. Tell me something.”

There was pain in his eyes at the realization he’d missed something. “How come you never told me about this before?”

“About what?”

Her eyes seemed to cloud up, the brilliant blue tarnished slightly now by the sad resignation that slowly crept in.

She attempted a brave smile, but Lulah Carter would never be a poker player. Her eyes could not meet his as she looked away in regret.

“I quit having those dreams a long time ago.”

***

“It’s up here.” Lulah turned back to Tiger, taking his hand, as she led the way up the steps