Like a Fox on the Run, стр. 120

“Well, you got what you wanted.” Resentment edged into his voice. “You got your house in the ‘burbs … a hubby … kids …” He knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t resist the low jab. “Alimony and child support.”

“You ass!” she exploded. “Goddamn you, Tanner Thomas!” Her eyes turned dark, the anger in her face like a malevolent shadow. She was so overcome with rage it was all she could do to resist the primal urge to hit him again, to put her hands around his throat. “You never asked what I wanted. Not once!” She shoved him away in disgust. “Don’t you dare to ever … ever … pretend to know what I wanted!”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do, I swear.” No matter which way he turned, she had him on the ropes. He should’ve been smarter. He should’ve never allowed this conversation to go in this direction. But it was way too late now. “You know me better than anybody.”

“Yes, unfortunately I do. That’s why I should’ve never expected anything more than the way it is.”

He moved back to her again, this time putting both hands on her shoulders. “What did you expect? Do you wanna start seeing each other again?”

“Forget it. It doesn’t matter.”

No … don’t do that!” He shook her shoulders gently, not so much in frustration, but almost as if he were trying to shake the reluctant truth from her. “You started this. Tell me … tell me the truth. You owe me that much.”

She raised her eyes to him. When she spoke, her words were slow, deliberate. “I … don’t owe … you … anything, Tiger.”

“No … I guess not.” His heart was growing weary, sore from all this. He just wanted to get away … run. Run. Yeah, that’s what you do best, isn’t it? That’s why you’re in this very spot. Why don’t you stand your ground for once? Take your lumps … be a man. Start now. “I’m sorry,” he touched her cheek softly. “Please.”

She rolled her eyes in futility. What good would it do? Still, she loved the man. “I’d hoped maybe you’d grown up in the past few years … maybe you’d had enough of being a rocket tramp.”

“You thou—”

“I was a fool. I was foolish enough to dream. I allowed myself to be sucked into my own silly fantasy.”

“You thought I would settle down … Blue-ball for good.” He’d known this all along. Deep down in his heart, he’d known. Even knowing, it burnt like needles under his nails to have to admit it finally. It was so much easier just to pretend ignorance.

“I just thought maybe, for once, you’d actually choose me … that’s all.”

“That’s not fair!” he spluttered in frustration. “Look, you know I ain’t the nine-to-five type. All I’ve ever known is rocket driving.”

“No, that’s all you want to know. There’s a difference. And now, once again … you have an excuse to blast back off on another adventure. And what does it get you? Money? Fame? Recognition?” Contempt and disgust showed in her scowl. “A little furry nookie?”

“Y’know, you make me sound like a loser. If that’s truly what you think of me, why would you wanna start back up with me?”

“You don’t get it!” She grabbed at her hair with both hands as if she wanted to rip it out by the roots. “You just don’t fucking get it! You’re not a loser. That’s the thing that drives me crazy!” Her voice rose in frustration. “I know you can do anything you want to. But you just make some damned, poor life choices!”

“Which pretty much makes me a loser.” This was going nowhere. It was just upsetting both of them, and before long, he knew one of them would say something they couldn’t take back. He looked into her eyes. “Look, Lulah, I’ve always loved you. I still love you. I’ll love you ‘til the day I die. That’s the one thing in this fucked up life of mine I am certain of. I’m sorry about being such a disappointment.” He sighed in resignation and capitulation. “Like I said, we’ll be gone tomorrow.” He dropped his hands from her and turned to go. “I better check on Tex … he might want some shuteye. And I damned sure need a drink.”

She watched him go back inside the house. Standing there alone in the dark, she felt a feeling akin to the one a person might feel after being told they have but a few days to live. Suddenly, everything seemed so finite.

For the longest, she’d lived on hope. Hope was a powerful thing. It could keep you going when everything else was gone. Now, that hope had slipped away in a matter of minutes. All because of her. She was sure she’d just driven him away by trying to box him in. Driven him right into the arms of that furry little hussy.

Brilliant move, Carter. Just brilliant.

***

After a few hours of restless sleep, Lulah awoke in the early morning hours just before dawn. By now, her anger had abated somewhat, and in its place a bluesy, raw feeling of emptiness had oozed into her heart. She reached over and felt the side of the bed where she longed so much for Tiger to lay. She now regretted losing her temper. She regretted the things she’d said. Men were paradoxes of emotion. They were balls of gooey caramel encased in iron armor. The thickness of the armor varied. Some had theirs easily penetrated, some it took work, while others, their armor would forever be impenetrable … which wasn’t always a good thing. Sometimes, all it took was the right person to succeed where so many others had failed. The one woman who could cut so deep that all a man