Love and Sorrow (Small Town Secrets Book 5), стр. 37

“Yeah.”  When we reached my van, I simply said, “See ya later.”

“Wait.”  Justin fished into the left pocket of his jeans.  The lamp above my van was flickering, making this part of the parking lot look almost like a strobe light in a club, so I couldn’t tell what he was getting ready to hand me.  “You left these at my place.”

I opened my hand so he could drop a pair of earrings into my palm.  I’d worn these pretty things on Saturday and had put them on his nightstand before trying to sleep—but I’d forgotten all about them when I’d gathered my shit on Sunday.  “Thanks,” I said, opening the front pouch on my backpack to temporarily store them.

“Got in big trouble for those.”

“Trouble?  What the fuck are you talking about?”

“They were on the floor between the bed and nightstand.”

“Okay…”  I was being slow.  I should have known—but my mind was too fucking cluttered.

“I didn’t find them.”

“Oh.”  It was a “girlfriend” who’d found them—and that was just what I needed to hear.  Two days ago, I’d been trying to deny the deeper feelings I had for this man—but, of course, he was the same as he’d always been.  As usual, he’d been fucking some other bimbo in his bed, making a mockery of what we’d experienced together.

Maybe what shocked me the most?  He hadn’t wasted any time—and I felt little pleasure knowing Justin probably hadn’t bothered changing his sheets for a different woman.  “Sorry.”  Unlocking the van, I tossed in my backpack.  “I guess.”  But I really wasn’t sorry, not at all.

Completely not reading my emotions at all, Justin laughed his ass off.  “I think it was worth it.”  Then, as he leaned over to kiss me, I buried my head in his chest instead.  He was getting a hug from me, nothing more.  After him announcing shit like this, I couldn’t even pretend he felt the same way about me—which meant I had to close myself off.  There would be no more kissing this man, no curling up next to him.  If we were friends only, then he would get nothing more from me than any other companion.

Besides, we’d talked about not seeing each other for a while.

Strangely enough, he held me close for the longest time.  “Can I help with anything?”

“I don’t think so.  Thanks for asking, but I think we just need to stick with the plan.”

“Yeah.  Okay.”  As I wriggled out of his embrace, he asked, “Is it okay if I call just to check in with you?”

“Probably.  I don’t know.  Maybe not.  If you call, maybe do it at work.  Or text—but that might not be good, either, in case Sarah looks at my phone.  Calling me at work might be better.  That way, if what’s going on with her has something to do with you, she won’t know we’re in contact.”

Fortunately, he agreed to my terms.

Then I turned to the van again.  “I gotta go.”

“Yeah.  Have a good night.”  Once again, he got close, leaning in—maybe trying to kiss me again.  I wasn’t sure—but I was proud of myself for being strong, not giving into the sexual attraction I felt for him or that other feeling that had been building of late.

As I drove off, though, I was angry.  Was it at him—or myself?  And hadn’t I myself initially loved the idea of no commitment—fun without a complicated relationship?  Why now did I despise the idea?  And how the fuck did I, at this point, have the audacity to even consider being mad at Justin when he was merely staying within the limits we’d both defined at the outset?

Unfortunately, no matter how rational I tried to be when I looked at the situation, there was no getting around the hurt that I felt…and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it.  By the time I picked up my kids, though, I had my poker face on, ready to play stoic mom once again.