The Widow of Rose Hill (The Women of Rose Hill Book 2), стр. 66

But what of his feelings for Natalie? He couldn’t deny his deep desire to marry her and claim her as his own. He wanted to be a father to Samuel, especially knowing he may have played a part in George Ellis’ death. Despite the vastly different worlds they lived in, despite the many seemingly insurmountable obstacles they faced, he believed he and Natalie could make a good life. In Pennsylvania. Now, he just had to convince her.

After little conversation during their ride, he and Banks arrived at Rose Hill. Levi smiled at the sight that met them. Natalie and Carolina sat on the porch, several lanterns casting a golden glow here and there. A small table held what looked like a pitcher of some sort of drink and several cups. As he and Banks neared, the women stood. Both looked lovely in their finery.

Levi exchanged a glance with Banks, who grinned and kicked his horse into a gallop the last few yards. Carolina hurried down the steps to greet him while Natalie remained on the porch, her eyes fastened on Levi. A look of uncertainty filled her face.

With Banks and Carolina already deep in conversation, Levi climbed the steps, his gaze never leaving Natalie’s face.

“Good evening, Mrs. Ellis,” he said, adding a teasing note to his voice he hoped would break the tension radiating from her. “May I say you look fetching tonight?”

It worked. Her shoulders relaxed, and she smiled. “Why, thank you, Colonel. Would you care for some refreshments?”

Their polite banter was almost comical, considering the very serious topics that required their attention. He joined her at the cluster of wicker furniture, noticing she didn’t settle on the swing. The memory of their time there, Samuel’s head resting in his lap, reminded him of his resolve to be completely forthcoming regarding the battle at Manassas Junction.

Levi glanced to where Banks and Carolina had settled on a blanket beneath a huge tree not far from the house. Their laughter and low voices drifted on the rose-scented breeze. “They seem happy.”

“Corporal Banks asked my permission to call on Carolina.” She looked down at her hands folded in her lap. “My father-in-law sold her mother and sisters several years ago. He was angry when his daughter left with a young man he didn’t approve of. I suppose he thought to punish her by selling the slaves she had befriended. I begged George not to let him sell Carolina.” Glancing to the young couple, her affection for the servant was obvious. “I hope Corporal Banks will be good to her.”

“He will.” Levi followed her gaze. “I met him during the battle at Spotsylvania. He was assigned to a medical detail, but when the enemy got too close, he took up a weapon someone had dropped and held them back while the wounded were carried to safety. He earned his promotion that day. When I heard about it, I found him in camp and asked him to be my aide.” He gave a chuckle. “I’m certain he is actually a general in disguise.”

She smiled briefly before it faded, her nervousness returning.

“Natalie,” he said, growing solemn. “I want to tell you about Manassas Junction.”

Her eyes widened. “Why?”

“Because you need to understand. To understand me and to understand what I did.”

She stared at him for a long moment before nodding.

“War is a terrible thing.” He looked toward the darkening fields. Flashes of memory from the past four years played at the edges of his mind. “A man is forced to do things he never dreamed he would do. When we arrived on the banks of Bull Run River, we were already badly outnumbered by Confederates. Our men were green and ill-trained. It was a disaster in the making.” He glanced at her, her luminous eyes staring at him.

“We lost hundreds of men almost before the battle began. It was chaos. I remember riding my horse into the fray, swinging my sword, yelling at the top of my lungs.” He closed his eyes momentarily. Would that he didn’t have to look at her as he confessed his sins. But he refused to take the coward’s way out. He opened his eyes and met her gaze. “I don’t know how many men I killed that day, but there were many. I never gave them a thought until I met you. Now, I wonder how many husbands and fathers I cut down, all in the name of war.”

Moisture filled her eyes.

“We’ll never know if George Ellis was one of the men I killed. But we also have to acknowledge it is possible. How can you and Samuel ever forgive me? Even if my sword didn’t end his life, I was there.” He shook his head and looked away. “That alone would make building a life together impossible for us.”

Crickets and tree frogs filled the night with their songs. Banks and Carolina spoke in low tones, occasional laughter echoing in the stillness.

He wouldn’t blame her if she told him to leave and never come back.

“You ask how Samuel and I can forgive you,” she said, her voice a feather on the wind. When he met her gaze again, tears fell from her thick lashes. “But had it not been for me and all the slaveholders across the South, you wouldn’t have gone to war at all. You’d be home in Pennsylvania with your family, not here. It is I who needs to seek your forgiveness.”

Stunned by her admission, hope surged through Levi’s heart. He moved from the chair across from her to the empty place beside her on the couch. Studying her face in the lantern glow, he didn’t see a former slave owner or the widow of a Confederate soldier. He saw the woman he loved. If they could reach this place of mutual forgiveness despite so many obstacles along the journey, surely they could overcome anything that stood in the way of them seeking a life together.

With her gaze on him, her eyes alive with