The Fugitivities, стр. 44
“What I say about that cussing in my house?”
“My bad.”
“That’s okay, it’s a fair point. You just wrongheaded about it is all. Are people’s heads all messed up? Yeah. But that’s exactly why you got to speak the truth. Why you gotta give it to ’em raw, uncut, straight to the gut—no bullshit. You got to call out the folks you know is wrong when they wrong, and do it right where you are, right here in the community, where it matters, where it can make a difference. It’s like how I teach when I’m coaching. Talking to the kids about how you got to keep your head straight out here, think for yourself, respect yourself and your community. You don’t think it matters that they see someone around them who has that message?”
“But they can’t hear that message though.”
“Nah, you the one not hearing the message. The truth always comes out on top. The best players can go cold, but they don’t lose their shot. If you have it, soon enough it will manifest, and when it does, it’s a wrap. These phony rappers out here today, flashing they cash and don’t have no talent—they can’t win the battle for these young minds forever. Not if you show them what else is possible.”
“Yeah, but they got money and in this world that’s all that counts.”
“In the short run, yes. In the long run, no. Ask folks around here, they all want money. But there are lots of other things they want too. Lot of folks want to see they family together again. People want to feel respected and useful. Lot of folks want to see a world where children can be children and never worry about nothing bad happening to them. People want a place to honor their dead. Or make something beautiful that will last beyond their own life. There’s all kinds of things.”
“Then why does it all feel so hopeless?”
“I don’t know, Teach, you tell me! All I know is that nothing good happens when you have no sense of history. No independent sense of values. When you caught up in the propaganda. Don’t be fooled when they sell you on that ‘We can do anything now’ line. We can have all types of achievement. We always have. But it still don’t shake out for the people. What that tells you is they got us in a funhouse. That tells me, if we’re not careful, we’re going to lose our form. Because it can be lost. You feel me? I’m talking ’bout the things that give us shape, substance, form. You know what I see when I look around? I see black jelly. All this rawness, all this raw energy that’s beautiful but got no direction. Smuckers, motherfuckers. And you know what I think? I think that’s exactly what the Man wants. He don’t want you thinking. He don’t want you knowing too much. Getting your bearings and deciding, on another level, how to live. No. He wants the formless energy of our blackness, seedless, no substance. Without form, without agency, without power.”
“Black power—right, and how we supposed to get that? We’ve already seen how the Panther picture show ends.”
“Well, the first thing is to stop abusing each other. The first thing would be committing ourselves to the point where we are incapable of taking each other’s lives—because we need each other and love each other more than any differences that have come between us. We gotta quit playing ourselves. We gotta come together block by block and city by city to to work this thing out. We all agree that doing whatever it takes to change the basic situation is what needs to be done. And that’s where you come in. That is exactly where you have a role to play.”
“Wait, wait. But why me?”
“You a teacher, a natural. I’ve listened to how you talk. You have the ability to reach these kids. I can see it.”
“They didn’t hire me for my ability, they hired me ’cause no one else wants to do the job! They hired me because it looked good on an Excel table in an email someone had to forward to someone with the power to fire them. And, look, man, I don’t even know that I’m good at it!”
“But you are doing the right thing! Instructing our young men and women. Giving them the understanding they need to get themselves up out of the mess they living in right now, the damn lies and confusion, all the media hype and the garbage that’s being thrown at them and they don’t even have a chance to form their own damn minds! Only reason I’m here is I was lucky enough to have talent. A rare gift, and then lucky to have all the breaks work in my favor. You have gifts too, and you have this great chance to make a way for others. Who’s gonna do it if not you?”
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t know…You scared. That it?”
“Nah, it ain’t that. Like I said I just want to get out. I want out. Isn’t that what you did?”
“It is what I did. But I also came back.”
They both paused over this last point, which held different meanings for both of them.
“Listen,” Nathaniel continued, “why don’t you work with me? You can help me right here in the Bronx. I’ve got a nice program going. We coordinate with the schools, get the kids out playing ball in the sunshine, keep them away from the dope, the gangs, and the guns, all that shit. I could use a young guy like you, smart, fresh, ready to make a difference, to help out a little bit around here, you know.”
“All that’s fine, Nate. It really is.